of searching for that certain person

im thankful for the 'long' 4days break.

i just spent an hour plus to look for my primary school crush since 1am.

i call that pure determination.

or maybe pure boredom. haha. i'll blog more soon!

of pride and honour

4days of field camp. a short number of days compared to whats more to come. but the amount of sleep in total was just 5-6hours and the exhausting part was the digging of shellscrapes and fire trenches(they are like graves but not as deep) and the worst part was the rain.

my shellscrape(knee level deep,2 meters long) was in a middle of a quite steep slope. so when it rained, i could see a drainage(made by small channels of depressed soil) all the way from the "summit" to my shellscrape. so my whole shellscrape became a bath tub in 5mins full of mud water. and during the process, my buddy and I just completed our fire trench(chest level deep, 4metres long) and it was JUST beside my shellscrape. the only thing that we could think of at the point of time was to save the bloody fire trench because we cannot imagine digging another for 8hours when we dug the whole midnight to morning and instead of just having a bath tub, we could have a swimming pool in addition. haha.

so we practically rushed to dig a "drainage system" out of my shellscrape to somewhere safe. and looking back right now, no matter how tired u are, no matter how weak your body has become but somehow, you just gotta do something to save your own ass.

so we went for the shelter right after digging the drainage. an hour later rain stopped, so we proceeded back up to our diggin site. fortunately our fire trench was not filled with any water! luckily la. so i just had to dig my shellscrape again for just 30mins. happy happy only la. then suddenly our WALL for our firetrench COLLAPSED!!!

to cut the story short, we gotta dig the 'mud' out of our trench and reinforce the wall so it wont collapse again. burn midnight oil again :/

but again looking back now. its all pride now. going thru this shit was terribly fun even tho there were alot of shouting and scoldings. and theres more shit to come in another 6months time and im really looking forward to it. i was on duty to help out with the seniors' commisioning parade and i was the lucky few who got to see the whole parade. and it inspired me to do more for my professional term coming up in the last week of december.

they really put up to best show to the audience but i felt it wasnt a show. it was really all pride and honour. imagine going thru 9 months of endless training, booking in/out in the same day, the friendships bonded, the lessons learnt and etc. when they threw their peak cap high in the sky, i could see the joy and tears from everyone.

6 more months. thats all i have now. my turn will come. but im not gonna just go thru the motion, i'll be my best for these 6 months.

To Lead, To Excel and To Overcome. RAWR!

of good ol' karma force

031108 IPPT. missed the gold because i got a time for 9:49mins for 2.4km. needed 9:44mins.

211108 IPPT. missed the gold AGAIN, timing is 9:48mins.

utterly disappointed in the 2nd near miss to gold. i knew i could do it. but somehow my mind just totally switched off for the 2nd and 3rd round round the track. i was shitting myself after looking at my timing immediately after the run. really really disappointed. wanted to prove to my PC that i can get that gold since he told me to aim for silver for Service Term first. but looking at the bright side of life(humming the song lol) at least i proved him that i can do it by a near miss.

FOUR seconds. i used to make fun of those who get near misses too. this is why now i believe in karma.

sad. but hey! theres always next time! :D and i know i will get that gold!

anyways, regarding the previous post, like today, 12-14hours of bookout. Book out at 6am. Booking in at 6-8pm. rawrs. life's never easy in OCS.

of the precious weekends

why oh why do weekends seem so short?

field camp was great. exhausting but great.

the sudden thought of my poly days came to mind during the field camp.

gosh. how i miss school. 5months in the army already and 19 to go. still unsure of where to go really.

all i know is that im looking forward to every weekend from now on and spend it wisely.

rawrs.

of the devil

day by day, during trainings, i just wonder to myself.

what the hell am i doing here? why cant i just go home and enjoy my life simply? looking at those 8-5(normal working hours) NSF just really made me think that i could just give up and have 8-5 NS life for the rest of my service. its just some devil telling me to give up. something that whispers to the ear, something that makes you weak, something that makes you think of many ways to chaokeng and what more.

but importantly the mind has to be set the right way. its just the beginning actually. theres alot more to come to test one's will and i know im not the only one whos whining. time is actually flying fast but the fact that im not out there with my family and friends make me think that im losing them. i do miss civilian life.

i know i know. dont give up, endure, blahblahblahblahblahblah x 1000.

officer cadets are highly self-motivated ppl but these are just some soldier's whining believe it or not. soldiers that dont whine are not human. prolly they dont whine infront of you or they just dont want to show their feelings.

but i will always keep this in mind: "if one chooses to lead an easy life, one will never grow"

its good to be back home. section field camp next week.i really dont know what to expect but now its a good time to prepare myself mentally.

and friends out there reading this, lets hang out soon. =D but u plan la, u think i got time to plan meh? your head ah!

of a vision

its gone and i cant find it now.

the fire. which was once so bright and strong, is now dying. im tired. or maybe i just dont have it in myself anymore. im not gonna give up easily yet the journey im going thru will be meaningless. i must find it back.

that is why my friends, that in life, you must have your own vision.

"without clear alignment in your life, ppl still do their work but lack the determination, trust and enthusiathism. in the long run, they either leave or produce only for the preservation of their job."

im sure all of us agree to this.

a vision statement is an expression of HOPE and if we have no hope, there will be no vision. it is something you create and continue to re-create throughout your life.

dont just study for the sake of studying. dont just work because of money. dont just do something to pass time. have a vision guys. a vision can give meaning to life in the most difficult of situations, which made me pull through my BMT and made my way to OCS. i know some of you are reading this and nodding your head but remember,

a vision with no action - a dream
an action with no vision - passing time
a vision and action - changes the world.

i must rekindle this fire. i must make it strong again. i have always depended on hope.
and hope is what i need now.

of the final hours

And remember me tonight
When your asleep
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find


tmr is the start.
start of all things that i have hoped for.
confidence. endurance. perseverance.
9months fiq. 9 months. its just like the start of this year till now.
well. yeah. it looked short.
i know this is the test.
test of the best.
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and i will give my best.

take care everyone. =)

RAWR.

of another chapter

OCS. To Lead, To Excel and To Overcome.

i'm kinda nervous yet very excited for my next 9 months of training. definitely everyone is. i remember the only thing that made me go through the first 2 weeks confinement was the thought of going back home to see my loved ones and of course the prata at The Prata House. haha. i guess, honestly, i would need alot of motivation from alot of you guys out there and i wont just say for myself, but also motivate the rest of the OB ppl as well. OCS - Ben, Joe, JJ, YongJie, Kelvin and those SISPEC guys, Kaihoow and JunWei.

these are the times when words of encouragement are gold and keeps ppl going. just like during my field camp when i received a letter from my parents. we soldiers dont do this for ourselves but for you guys out there, protecting the lifestyle that we have right now. (like going thru war now like that haha)

anyways. 9months is not an easy feat. but the reasons that join OCS will still be strong.

-pride, making loved ones and friends proud
-honestly the money LOL
-to inspire ppl when i commission.

tough times dont last. tough men do. so lets do this FIQ!

TO LEAD, TO EXCEL AND TO OVERCOME.

RAWRS.

of marking the end of BMT

POP LO!

haha. 11days block leave. left with 4 more days. sucks. so fast. sigh. will know my posting on the 19th. hopefully its want i want. if cannot, nvm, gotta stay positive. anyways.

JAGUAR COY CHAMPIONS LO!

haha. we won Recruit's Night performance and Games Day. Recruit's Night is a night for a few of the companies from the same school will get together and performances from selected companies will be performed on stage. obviously i was a part of the performance for Jaguar Coy and i told myself that if my company gets selected to perform for the Recruit's Night, i'll go all out. like. all out la.

so our performance was about a fashion show. its about modifying our uniforms to suit ourself during our trainings la. so we had 5 models. yes im one of them. my design was called the Gay Slack. what i did was i wore a swimming trunks and folded a tshirt that looks like a bra and boots. they say really look damn gay >.> so i went all out by making that swimming trunks to something like a gstring la, so u can actually see the sexaayy butt cheeks. >.> then my designer went to smack it real hard till got echo all over the MPH.

we thought we wouldnt win it because Yankee and Falcon did a great job too. but too bad Kelvin(performed for Yankee), Jaguar will always win you guys. LOL. (btw all of it was super impromptu). :D anyways. mixed feelings about POP. happy yet sad. im really gonna miss my buddies, going thru thick and thin with blood, sweat and tears together.


JAGUAR COY!





bed buddies








platoon best,
2nd best,
3rd best.

of pushing yourself to the limit

finally got my silver for 4th ippt.

sbj: 225cm
2.4km: 10:16min

now the question is, can i push to gold in a week? all seems far fetched. i need 9cm more and need to run 32secs faster. i know ive been trying for gold. but its never easy. hell, nothing is ever easy in this world. you want something, you work hard for it. i had only 5 days to train between my 3rd ippt(which i got a pass) and my 4th ippt just because i miss silver by 4cm :(

so my scores for all the statios were 5 5 5 5 3. haha. really pushed hard to get a 5 point for 2.4km.

maybe a silver is just enough. maybe...

of the outside life

of blood, sweat and tears

rawr! field camp is finally over!

the worst shit is indeed the best shit because when u know you have accomplished the toughest shit, you'll remember those times when you grow older. like for example, my rugby days. if i didnt give my all, i wouldnt be proud of it at all. field camp made me realise that in life, theres always something for us to bring back as memories, and thats when u really work hard for it; blood, sweat and tears.

and yes. i cried like a baby. well most of us did. i've talked to some of my platoon and company mates and most of them said "sial ah, before army never cry for like so many years, go field camp then cry like baby". i wont tell why we cried or how was field camp, but u can always ask me when we meet up :p. lets just say, soldiers out there are not fighting for themselves but fighting for their loved ones.

i kinda lost a few kg along the way as well and also miss being the platoon and company IC. its fun to be an IC lar because i love to be upfront and tell ppl what to do! haha! but in all seriousness its a great responsibility. but if theres another opportunity again, i will gladly take it and do better. =D

i know most of you ppl reading this havent seen me for a long time. will update with pics soon enough.

sit test in 2 days. lets do this fiq!

"do it once. do it right."

of so near yet so far

so i booked out early cuz i passed my IPPT. haha. but the disappointing thing is that i didnt get a silver. but nonetheless ive improved alot. :D:D

IPPT 19/06/08
Sit-up: 40 5points
Chin-up: 5 1points
SBJ: 197cm 0points
Shuttle Run: 9.2s 5points
2.4Km: 12:46min 1point
total:12

17/07/08 points

Sit-up: 40 5points
Chin-up: 10 4points
SBJ: 216cm 2points
Shuttle Run: 9.3s 5points
2.4Km: 10:58min 4points
total: 20

we were discussing amongst ourselves about who to pace with etc etc, by what timing etc etc. a Sir overheard us and said "dont care timing, just run and give your best shot because your trainings will give u a surprise." so of course, i thought, ahh what the heck, they say those who pass can book out early (previously they say only those who got silver and above, but decided to give chance), so i just aim for a pass lar, which is just 12:20. and a bloody surprise it was. haha. 10.58 oh!

but like what the Sir said, i tried my best and i have never like the idea of running fast for 2.4km. it was a huge improvement, well, for me at least, since my best ever timing was 12min in my entire life. haha. it could be the red bull, which gave a very bad side effect. i was suuupppeerr tireeeeed after the whole run.

i guess what i should do now is to improve on my sbj. for 9.44mins timing for 2.4km, well, i'll let the trainings do their job. 2 more IPPTs. lets get the gold syafiq!

of tough times

tough times dont last.
tough men do.

ippt test this thursday.
i hope i can fly for my SBJ.
heh. silver. here i come.

of a desire to be among the best

ever since ive stepped into the army, i had a goal in mind.

to train my best, to be my best and of course be myself and strive to go to Officer Cadet School (OCS). OCS is a place where a few fit leaders will undergo a vigorous 9 months training and be commissioned as a Officer in the army.

and i wanna be one of those few fit leaders.

ive been running like a mad dog everyday and pushing myself to the limits but im sure theres always something that can be done better.

Determination and endurance play a big part. I was reading FHM(yes, FHM haha) in the bunk and saw a quote among the advertisement.

"The person to beat is not infront of you but the one inside you"

yes. im aiming for gold before my BMT is over. to be honest i dont know whether it is possible. because i have to run my 2.4km in less that 9.44mins to achieve the gold standard. nonetheless, i will always try my best. :D

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IPPT_Gold_Award_Badge

im kinda worried about SBJ tho. a pathetic 197cm lar. but i believe, i can reach 234 by the end of bmt lar. :D

i believe my running can be improved because we run like mad dogs everyday and chinups, ive already improved from 5 to 8 in 2weeks. im aiming for 12! rawr!!

im talking as if i am enjoy the army. actually, i do. the friends ive made are a great bunch of ppl and im really glad i have them because they really motivate me.

but in all seriousness, i finally realised the importance of a goal in one's life because it really strives one to achieve it.

of entering a new phase in life

14/06/08. to be honest i've been excitedly waiting for this moment. altho i've heard bits and pieces of what's to come, im just gonna experience it my way and enter with my cup half-full. but before i go into my new phase of life, i think there are people in my life that needs to be acknowledged because they have made a major/minor impact for the past few years and made me a better boy (not man yet because still havent go in army! but that means i have to change my blog title >.>) (and yes farand, you kinda inspired me to do this)








Rugby, Red Wings RFC/Bedok Kings RFC.
the trainings/matches were just pure awesomeness. they really push my limits and brought a whole new level of physical demands. determination wins all. thanks guys, for allowing me to lead, to follow, to play till the death and jokes we all share.

Coach Lee.
i think i've mentioned you before but i wanna say thanks again. you really made me know the meaning of mentality winning everything and also we shouldnt wait for things to happen, we should WORK HARD for it.













Slackers from BBSS.
Jon, Garrick, Amelia, Chyetee, Pohseng, Aikhou and Liangyu and im sorry if i left out any. i know we have gone our separate ways now but im sure we all can meet up one day and have supper at al-ameen and play pool over and over again! gosh i was sick of the same routine but i guess i kinda miss it because you guys just rawk. and jon and garrick, would the two of you stop fucking arguing each time u guys are out together? :P













Ngee Ann Outward Bounders.
OB OIE!! if i didnt join this cca, i wouldnt be where i am now. the adventure, the outings, the trainings and everything else are so memorable. thru thick and thin, OB all the way!!! great friends, esp Rachel, Aifang, KK, Grace, Joe, Mirza, Derrick, Ying Jia, Ben and Rebecca.















NPOB 13th Comm. Khai, Ming Hui, Yew Ming, Farand, Wenting, Christina and Kelvin.
what can i say. even tho i was MIA for long while and im still sorry for that, you guys have been really great. from strangers to a small grp of people who have done a very good job at making NPOB progress. i really really miss those times, esp the yelling of asshole during asshole daidee, the jokes and our very short meetings =D love you guys deep deep!















Asia Outdoor Pte Ltd aka AO
this is where i say that i've been thru everything and be stronger because what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. i've learnt alot from the other trainers and i mean by alooooot. from rah-rah, from how to really control your group, from how to make the grp like you, from how to motivate the grp, from how to be section IC and more. when i first step into AO, things that i thought i knew were just the icing on the cake and theres still so much to learn. many thanks guys, esp wenjie, andrew yong, jieyu, xinyi, farah, azie and pin wen, just to name a few who really helped me alot.

now for the individuals. DONT BE SHY WHEN U READ THIS OK! :D














Farand
a non blood-related bro who will always be there for me. yes yes, you've said it before but im saying this again. we barely knew each other back in our AGM and we really clicked together. you've done many great things for OB and for yourself and thus i respect you. should send me home again when u have the chance to again ah. haha! :D












Wei Quan
i know you dont like me calling you boss but i dont care, boss! haha. you're more than just a boss, you're also a great friend who will always talk crap and also say out many meaningful things and some really helped me in my work. i thank thee for the opportunities that u gave me because those opportunities really made me better man, err i mean boy =)













Loon Phern
this boy really really really is fucking lazy. but he got an A for his project. how? because he worked smart. i mean, really, he played games with me all the time and we will just slack and talk crap during project days but when it comes to work, he is really focused and thats what got him an A at the same time pangseh-ed me because i got a B+ only. but the point is, without him, that B+ could be an F because he really lived up to the name of "smoke grenade" whenever the reviewers ask questions. bro, all the best in your NS and love life man. haha! :D and THANKS FOR BEING MY PROJECT GRPMATE! :D













Eunice
i've known you for about a month? but i think u really deserved to be here because you really sort my thinking which was kinda... lost and confused. as fierce as u are, i know theres a soft side in you and just remember, if u can get angry, so can anyone :P so CHILL THE FUCKUP and laugh more ok? and thanks for being there when i need it.














Ying Jia
remember the crane i gave you? it represents loyalty and courage. 3 years down the road. it's long time yet it felt like as if i only knew u a days ago. i remember everything ever since we met, from our sports camp, DnD, OB trainings, photoshoot, msn convos, the day you left for china for holiday (and i think you never got me anything from there haha ) and many more. i dont know when i will ever see you again but just know that you should stay pretty and happy and always smile for the world to see. also, be confident la. once u start to fear, thats it. dont ever think about the fears in your life because it will make you weak. have confidence in yourself ok?

Once again, thank you guys/gals, for being a part of my life. Always a part, not apart. =)

no, this is not goodbye. in fact, this is just the beginning for me.
a phrase that i will always remember, "if you want to change people's life, you must change your life first"

ps: i dont care about spelling mistakes because its 2am already. omg army here i come
pps: if i missed out anybody, dont be too disheartened because im sure u have made an impact in other people's life.

of a song the describes it all

u know, i have alot of things to say

but then i heard a song and fell in love with it. (current blog song)

because it best decribes my life for now.

i feel better now.

after running away and ....

but, theres still something missing.

sigh..

of behind the scenes

of all the bravery, the courage, the professionalism, the determination, the sacrifices

not even one knows that he's a coward.

a coward that is fearful.
and when he fears, everything goes wrong.
but he wants a change. his patience has reached his limit.
down with one last breath, its now or never.

he knows the answer to it but he still has to do it.
like people say,
facing the music will change you
and jolly well he hopes it will.

i'll upload some of my bday pics that was 'celebrated' during my camp and of course will elaborate more on the camp soon.

its been a long time since i've listen to malay songs. i've uploaded it and below are the lyrics. enjoy =)

Belaian Jiwa

Seindah tiada lagi kau kuingatkan
(I no longer think of you.)
Sayang kau hilang
(Love, you are gone, even if I wait)
Menanti biar sampai akhir hayatku di dunia ini
(till the end of my existence,)
Kau tahu betapa kusayang padamu
(Still you know how much I love you,)
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
(only an Angel can compare (to you).
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
(Yet Fate determines these things.)
Oh belaian jiwa
(Oh, my Soul's Caress)
Oh angin sampaikan laguku padanya yang sedih pilu
Terimalah laguku jadi teman hidupmu
(Let the wind send my song to her, this lonesome melody of mine)
Untuk selamanya
(Let this song be her companion forever)
Kau tahu betapa kusayang padamu
(Still you know how much i love you)
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
(Only an Angel can compare (to you)
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
(Yet Fate determines this things)
Oh belaian jiwa
(Oh, My soul caress.)

of inspiring

ever since the boy who teared, hugged and thanked me, I realised I do want to inspire and change ppl's lives and give them a smile. but if there is one thing that I have learnt thru Train the Trainers,

"To inspire people and change their lives, you must change your life first."
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i lie down and ponder, "which part of it?".

of never glancing

"Never glance" is killing me.

nuff(enough) said.

of determination

why train?
because often the difference between good and great is simply the willpower it takes to get up and train. - www.niketraining.com.sg


it wasnt easy to lose weight. it takes ALOT of dedication, commitment, motivation and finally endurance. i could have lost more, but there were some temptations i couldnt resist which was bad in my part. nonetheless, keep fit4life. i overheard a conversation between these two athletes saying that with stamina, you can do anything. altho i do agree with a certain extent, i beg to differ because i believe that all u need is determination. its all about the mentality man.

and of course, have faith in yourself. =)

a picture says a thousand words for i am a man of few words. LOL

of a boy with no name, part 1

he knew the answer for it was right infront of his eyes. his heart refused to believe the inevitable truth. why not he asked. not yet it replied. he could only wish that his eyes were plunged out but that could mean darkness in the world, which would only bring him any memories he had for her. he would remember everything.

he wakes up every morning, knowing he needs to fight a battle. a battle between his heart and mind. there is no winner, no superior, no high and mighty. why is life so god damn complicated he asked. and then he realised life is not complicated, it is he who makes it complicated.

of a different view

Overworked, he stepped out of the compound. He turned back and quickly look forward again. How determined he was to not do it again, he just can't stop turning back. He sighed heavily and remembered a good friend telling him not to do it just to keep out of their way.

"Is this what you want?" he asked himself rhetorically. The question kept repeating over and over again in his head on his way home. A loyal friend he was but sometimes when the emotions rule the heart, it rules the head.

of moving on

stop and stare
i think im moving but i go nowhere.

of mentality winning everything

Warning: Long post. read or skip, your choice.

The following is a translation from Park Ji-Sung's autobiography.

"I was sitting alone in an empty locker room, left leg injured. I need to prove my worth when the opportunity is given. I look at my leg, powerless, and wonder why I had to get hurt in this moment. Then, Coach Hiddink appears out of nowhere with an interpretor and speaks to me in English. Not understanding, I stare at the interpretor.

"He says you have great mentality. With that kind of mental strength, you will become a great player."

"I was shocked. Before I could murmur the easy 'thank you' in English, he was gone. My heart was pounding. The coach always seemed to be so far away, but he came to me and told me I have great mentality. Somewhere inside, energy was rousing up."

"... Mentality. I have nothing else to boast, but one thing I could do is to never give up. I will endure all hardships, even if I would die from it. And I will keep this mentality."

"... In the entire World Cup, I played with those words ringing in my ears. With my mentality, I can become a great player. I kicked the ball and ran around the field clinging on to those words. For better or for worse, I am calm and quiet, so not many people take notice of me. But I was sure that Coach Hiddink would be looking at me and urging me to move on. This gave me courage."

"If it was not for Coach Hiddink, I would not be where I am now."

"With the words 'where I am now,' I am not referring to me becoming famous or being able to purchase a spacious condo for my parents. I am referring to the fact that I learned to love myself more."

"Within a minute, what Coach Hiddink said to me changed my life forever. I feel a bit shy thinking about what he would think after reading this, but he is my 'master' and I owe him everything and I won't be able to repay it in my lifetime."

I remember during my rugby days when Coach Lee will always say that I have the potential to be a national player when I grow up. That would always drive me to work hard and play hard during trainings and I would want to say thank you even though you wont even get to see this.

You inspired me to be a better person: Confidence, Leadership and Mentality. Being the captain of a team that just started to know rugby for just a few months was such a heavy load on my shoulder but i could handle the pressure because i was trained like a mad dog during my secondary school days.

why i'm posting about this now and not the previous years is because during the recce in Kota Tinggi, my mind was fighting with the body. It was a bloody tough trek in my opinion and the 2nd day of it was too much since we had not recover from the 1st day of trekking yet. and then i realised that my rugby trainings were not wasted. I kept going and going, with my groin in pain and out of breath, i still kept going and going.

The guide told me: "Climbing a mountain is never easy. If it's easy, then it's not a mountain."

The best part of climbing a mountain is the summit's view. When i was up there, everything that i felt, the pain, the shortness of breath, were all gone. I was ecstatic by the view.

"TAKE PHOTO OMG TAKE PHOTO" were the usual claims. haha.

of this beautiful lady with a beautiful voice

i feel like im doing an advertorial but i dont care anyway heh.

marie digby. hawt babe man. haha.



very very nice talent for such a pretty face. her album is out soon too. listen to Miss Invisible and (oh i so love her in this vid) All Good Things(Come to an End) haha. my blog song at the moment!

heh. yes. whats wrong with posting about a hawt girl? RAWR.

why do all good things come to end...

of phenomenons

something phenomenal happened during my first day of camp in Kota Rainforest Resort.

















like joe said in the vid, its something like a rainbow but its not a rainbow. we could see colours of a rainbow but as we know, rainbows are not like that. colours were clustered and was not in order and yeah, i dont know what it was. lol

i still want my green/blue flash sunrise/sunset!

of what you need and want

i had a good talk with mum, or rather, she was talking to me and i was listening. heh. i guess its really time to save up for the future. ive always wanted to do it but i guess i really should start now. better now than never =)

so here is the list of what i want.

-oakley specs
-rooney man utd jersey
-wallet
-digital watch
-many many clothes
-levis jeans (because my black ones are really really bangy now haha)
-ps3
-new computer
-alot more lar

it actually all boils down to what i NEED.
-save up for the future.

i guess i dont really need them yet. im happy with what i have. i know, i know, temptation is very strong because im working right now but i guess i can always throw temptation out of the window.

for eg. my laptop, its still fine, altho abit outdated but i still can use it :D
my wallet, its like shit already but hey i still can use it.
my digital watch, the crown is gonna come out anytime soon i think but i still can use it
my specs, some part corroded, but hey, it still nice and im still wearing it.

i guess i dont really NEED anything now.
maybe when i win a million bucks..

YA RIGHT FUCKING DREAM ON FIQ. heh.

anyway i'll be away till friday. till then, take care and have a good night. (2am, and i have to wake up at 520, yay for pre camp insomnia!)

i wanted to type something but then i remember i posted it before.

pls refer to flashing by

but im glad

that im stronger, inside.

all i need now is to commit myself. which is what im always afraid of.

but why should i, i ask myself.
all i have to do is to make time, and if i dont have time, find time. =)

she's got me love stoned
man i swear she's bad and she knows
i think that she knows...

when you say nothing at all

as much as i want to type on what happened during the 12th of March, i feel that i should just say that when you have approached death and stared it right in the face, you know you should treasure life as much as you can because death isnt funny.

it IS scary.

i know i did a personality question and said that death is adventurous. from now on im not gonna take things for granted. for whatever reason it is, for safety's sake, just fucking do it.

ive been telling people that answers are just right infront of their eyes. oddly enough, i dont heed my own advice but tonight was different. i found my answer after much wondering and searching and yes, two words.

move on, fiq. (dont include the fiq =P)

many great things happened on the 12th-14th of March but im just gonna leave it as that, for it WAS a blessing in disguise, for now at least. heh

9 crimes

the music and the plot suited each other. ive watched this a million times and it still gives me the goosebumps when the guy dropped the rose at the end.

love is a crime,
whose beginning is a glance
and whose ending is eternity.

and yes im back. snap back to reality fiq. snap back...

its the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you
its the wrong time for somebody new.
its a small crime
and i've got no excuse.

8days.

i'll be away for 8days. 5th-8th camp. 9th-12th camp. bon voyage. lol!















out of the many, i still choose you. =)

reflect

what is there to reflect?

i dont know. on the way back home from the camp, i decided to walk super slow after alighting the bus and walked a longer route, with music shutting my ears from everything. then i thought of how i could be a better man and instructor to these kids. mind you, taking care of 22 students is a heavy load on my shoulders and making them happy just adds on. to be prefectly honest, i love my job. it struck my mind during the Pelepah Waterfalls trekking(heavy heavy rain), that what im doing is what i love. i started looking left and right.

to the right, Joe, holding a tree trunk, helping the kids, knowing a mistake might cost him his life because he has little space to work with.
to the left, Andrew, my section IC who had to decide the fate of 100kids, knowing one wrong decision could cost many lives.
myself, informing the kids where to step on, one wrong step could lead to a slip and could hit their heads on a rock.
"ok right foot here, left foot there, right foot here again, ok good, well done well done, jiayou, (taps their hand)" how i wish i had a tape recorder lol and a lil bit of motivation works =)

yes. its not as easy as it seems, but im not scaring you guys too. have faith in yourself.

______________________

you know. when i saw you on that day, in pain, i was really worried. no one knew how i felt, because i was the last man of the trek. but when people turn to look at me, they said "eh fiq why u suddenly emo". true fact i was not emo but i was really worried about you. also felt really damn fucking useless because there was nothing i could do to help. i asked the people around you whether u were ok. i was concerned and very worried. i told kelvin to take care of you because i couldnt leave my 'last man' position. still i felt really bad. when u cried, my heart just sank.

this is a late post. but somehow, keeping feelings to myself is not helping. it was great to see u smiling again the next day. =)

champions oie!

so. yes. i r back. like. who. cares. :D LONG POST INCOMING.

23rd and 24th feb. my 2nd AO training camp because i was, like i said, bored shitless out of my skull and needed to memorise the trekking route for the 27th-29th camp. always a different experience on a different day. like u know the route, which is good, but can be bad as well because u really want to be cautious because u know there is something bad somewhere.

back to the swimming pool, i decided to be a "little" bit "adventurous". did many dives - frontflip, backflip, spiderman, karate and many more la. i wish i have photos/videos now man. then we all started to push each other into the pool. RAWR took 5 people to bring me down and if anyone did bring me down, i will always bring someone with me. :D

26th-29th feb. Deyi Secondary Adventure Camp. the kids were great except for a handful, but hey, u cant expect everyone to be cooperative. it was an eye opener for me because it was the first time working with other AO instructors, so i dont really know their style. great bunch of people. many things to learn from them. the camp was really, to be honest, messy in terms of programmes, because the school decided to confirm everything last minute, so the instructors really have to crack their heads and think of something ON THE SPOT. remember OB's t-shirt quote?

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -Martin Luther King Jr.

for clement and shujuan, you could prolly explain this quote on the very first day of training. link it with meaning of "Outward Bounders". just a suggestion =)

my point is, u can really see why they are instructors/leaders. im not saying i never do anything la. self praise is no praise =P

and i know, i know, my aunt serra wants to hear this
.
.
.
.
im blacker now. :(

i'll continue later. =D

let war begin.

lol.

so basically my left buttcheck is in great pain right now. i have no idea why. but im gonna endure it for this camp. (27th-29th)

and its 535am.

and i love you all.

esp you.

SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

life

take care and take it easy =)

it = life. or anything that bothers you. smile u bastards. cmon. lol :D

possibilities

top-most pic: 21/10/05. top pic: 20/02/08 cam whore rawwwrr~ =P

19/02/08: went to NTU. spent like an hour in there just to submit apps which took only a min. lol. huge campus, but i dont know why i didnt rawr when i had the chance to in that open space. oh well. a great day spent with great people when im supposed to be studying. haha.

20/02/08: unofficially graduate. altho i am happy, but i know im gonna be bored shitless out of my skull because i have nothing to make me busy at the moment.

you know, you thought you've seen it all, but the possibilities in this world are endless.















whoever took the shot, i thank thee because its a great picture to look at. (because im there looking at the beautiful scenery and i think minghui & yingjia are in it too)

and....














the rare green sunset. it's time i look for one. anyone care to join me? =)

iris

as usual. i keep my feelings to myself.

but the song now best describes it.

nuff said and have a good night.

when everything is meant to be broken, i just want you to know who i am.

professionalism

i think everybody needs to have this in order to succeed at work.

professionalism.

i couldnt finish the last post as i had to leave for a movie with parents. but i was really damn disappointed. i was really really looking forward to work with the EDU guys again.

as my previous post stated, i dont think the word fuck suits the whole scenario. i know i have sacrificed a few things just to go for this camp but hey, shit happens. i really think i need to be professional about this (aka suck up and smile). lol. since im not involved in the 21-23feb camp, i have nothing to look forward to next week. one word sums it up.

sian.

anyways. just a few thoughts along the way to Marine Parade.

am i really a man of few words? thats the reason i blog i guess.
1) i know i dont talk alot with ppl around me.
2) i know i dont express myself well infront of ppl. i always keep feelings to myself.
3) i know i want to rawr because it makes me feel better.
4) i know blogging makes me feel sane.

i think i need to work on point 2. sigh.

kelvin recently asked me a personality question. give it a try.

if you're in an empty room all alone and you can wish for a box to accompany you, how big do you want the box to be?

.
.
.
.
.
the bigger it is, the bigger your ego.

if i go crazy then will u still call me superman?

gosh. it feels like i have been screwed.

started the day with a happy note, but now, wow. fuck is the best word to describe it.

i dont wanna end the day feeling like this.

but sometimes, i guess, u just gotta suck it up and move on.

family

what can i say. i love my family.














dad and mum.

i wanted dad to pose what he did earlier. mum asked him to guard her handbag while she goes food hunting and he immediately grabbed a knife and gave the serious face while looking left and right. lol it was hilarously funny but he refused to pose it, saying "being random is the best pose".

so mum tried to mimic it. :S















bro and I. always the same pose. haha.

the food was great. alot of choices la. jap to indo to chinese to western to italian to whatever country. i feel like im advertising for them already. lol. i just cherish the moments whenever we are out for dinner together. :D

i need to start studying. been out the whole week. oh well.

instead of spamming in my own tagboard, replies to tags here again.

jacq: what? what thing you?? :O:O:O:O:O:O:O

aifang: conference? why u love conferencing so much sia. is it because u like to talk alot? HAHA. >.>

midori: oh noes the naughty midori is here! /run

clem: i went to the mirror and tried doing it. and instead of rawring, i lmao-ed. :D and call me fiq. how rude.

yingjia: aww so sweet, rawr with me. but i bet ure gonna be shy, as usual!

look at the stars, look how they shine for you
and everything you do.

coldplay

RAAAAAWWWWRRRRR.

i wanted to scream but that would wake people up. i shall find a good spot one day to scream my lungs out.

so i tried to find a pic of myself "rawring" but all i see is smiles. next time i know what to pose already. so i found this pic. cute seh















the movie Time Machine actually made me realised something that i will always remember from tonight onwards. you can't make change the past but you can always change the future.

running away from the past wont change the fact that i end up running in circles. but i must say this tho, it brought my confidence level down so low, its hard to pick myself up. i guess its never too late to start now. hell, its NEVER TOO LATE to start anything. i kinda miss the old syafiq. the one who knows he has nothing to lose, do or die attitude and make people smile. =)

thanks to the people who tagged. im muchhh better now =)

clem&derrick: even tho i knew u guys for a few months, it feels like we have been friends for years, thanks =)

garrick: lol. SMILE SMILE SMILE. :D

farand: its rare to find u tagging. but thanks bro! :P

mirza: yeah man the world is there for us to explore, if we dont dare to try, we will never know. thanks dude!

aifang: you and your damn crows. u think u crowgirl ah, haha! thanks girl!

deep inside

wednesday, 6/2/08.

(4:10 PM) !ĐêŖЯĭcK!™ It is: you know the song that i had on my blog last week?
(4:10 PM) !ĐêŖЯĭcK!™ It is: breathless by shayne ward
(4:10 PM) - sarcazz. itch: that song
(4:10 PM) - sarcazz. itch: also send me
(4:10 PM) - sarcazz. itch: i emo already
(4:10 PM) - sarcazz. itch: fuck u all
(4:10 PM) - sarcazz. itch: lol
(4:11 PM) mirza...: wahhhh
(4:11 PM) mirza...: and yet you are the one who said you'll share
(4:11 PM) mirza...: hahaha
(4:11 PM) !ĐêŖЯĭcK!™ It is: relax man...

friday, 8/2/08.

to be honest, im still emo. i truly hate looking back. im still trying to get out of the hell hole. ironically, the genius of the hole: No matter how long u spend climbing out, you can still fall back down in an instant.

sigh.
fiqq.
wtf.
are.
you.
doing.










and watching The Time Machine now on tv isnt helping much. the girl he loves die, and he makes a time machine to bring her back, but she keeps dying. :(

nothing but experiences

not gonna post details about the training camp because i want the others who may read this to have a clear mindset of what to come during 23rd/24th. if you're really interested, TOO BAD. >.> but got photos la. from ben's phone cam which almost drowned.

























































































































































after reaching the base of the Pelepah Waterfalls after the River Tracing & Trekking, Ben, Yu Heng, Nino(the camp chief) and I decided to run back to the base campsite. it was already 7pm la so the 4 of us decided to run so that we could shower and makan first. the rest were smokers and didnt join us >.>

most of you know 7pm in Malaysia get really dark already, and the roads there had no lights at all. so we just kept running and running and running and running for quite some time, enduring the pain from blisters and stones in the shoes and not knowing exactly where the campsite will be. again, it was a new experience, and VERY FUN.

nothing much during the second day, low elements and Indiana Jones. man Indiana Jones alone leave me bruises, cuts, splinters and bicep and arm aches just because i wanted to hold on to my dear life lol.

i also realised something about this trip, that my passion for the outdoors is strong, just like my passion for sports. and when u do things that you are passionate about, it will be fun. no matter how tough it is, no matter the bruises and cuts u suffer, no matter the obstacles u face, no matter how much money you make, in the end you have fun.

alot of stars to see also. sadly no one else was interested and i couldnt part my knowledge. so i was star gazing alone :(
but i spotted the whole of Orion, Small Dipper with the north star. :D
gonna bring my notes of constellations next time because i keep forgetting.