reflect

what is there to reflect?

i dont know. on the way back home from the camp, i decided to walk super slow after alighting the bus and walked a longer route, with music shutting my ears from everything. then i thought of how i could be a better man and instructor to these kids. mind you, taking care of 22 students is a heavy load on my shoulders and making them happy just adds on. to be prefectly honest, i love my job. it struck my mind during the Pelepah Waterfalls trekking(heavy heavy rain), that what im doing is what i love. i started looking left and right.

to the right, Joe, holding a tree trunk, helping the kids, knowing a mistake might cost him his life because he has little space to work with.
to the left, Andrew, my section IC who had to decide the fate of 100kids, knowing one wrong decision could cost many lives.
myself, informing the kids where to step on, one wrong step could lead to a slip and could hit their heads on a rock.
"ok right foot here, left foot there, right foot here again, ok good, well done well done, jiayou, (taps their hand)" how i wish i had a tape recorder lol and a lil bit of motivation works =)

yes. its not as easy as it seems, but im not scaring you guys too. have faith in yourself.

______________________

you know. when i saw you on that day, in pain, i was really worried. no one knew how i felt, because i was the last man of the trek. but when people turn to look at me, they said "eh fiq why u suddenly emo". true fact i was not emo but i was really worried about you. also felt really damn fucking useless because there was nothing i could do to help. i asked the people around you whether u were ok. i was concerned and very worried. i told kelvin to take care of you because i couldnt leave my 'last man' position. still i felt really bad. when u cried, my heart just sank.

this is a late post. but somehow, keeping feelings to myself is not helping. it was great to see u smiling again the next day. =)