of searching for that certain person

im thankful for the 'long' 4days break.

i just spent an hour plus to look for my primary school crush since 1am.

i call that pure determination.

or maybe pure boredom. haha. i'll blog more soon!

of pride and honour

4days of field camp. a short number of days compared to whats more to come. but the amount of sleep in total was just 5-6hours and the exhausting part was the digging of shellscrapes and fire trenches(they are like graves but not as deep) and the worst part was the rain.

my shellscrape(knee level deep,2 meters long) was in a middle of a quite steep slope. so when it rained, i could see a drainage(made by small channels of depressed soil) all the way from the "summit" to my shellscrape. so my whole shellscrape became a bath tub in 5mins full of mud water. and during the process, my buddy and I just completed our fire trench(chest level deep, 4metres long) and it was JUST beside my shellscrape. the only thing that we could think of at the point of time was to save the bloody fire trench because we cannot imagine digging another for 8hours when we dug the whole midnight to morning and instead of just having a bath tub, we could have a swimming pool in addition. haha.

so we practically rushed to dig a "drainage system" out of my shellscrape to somewhere safe. and looking back right now, no matter how tired u are, no matter how weak your body has become but somehow, you just gotta do something to save your own ass.

so we went for the shelter right after digging the drainage. an hour later rain stopped, so we proceeded back up to our diggin site. fortunately our fire trench was not filled with any water! luckily la. so i just had to dig my shellscrape again for just 30mins. happy happy only la. then suddenly our WALL for our firetrench COLLAPSED!!!

to cut the story short, we gotta dig the 'mud' out of our trench and reinforce the wall so it wont collapse again. burn midnight oil again :/

but again looking back now. its all pride now. going thru this shit was terribly fun even tho there were alot of shouting and scoldings. and theres more shit to come in another 6months time and im really looking forward to it. i was on duty to help out with the seniors' commisioning parade and i was the lucky few who got to see the whole parade. and it inspired me to do more for my professional term coming up in the last week of december.

they really put up to best show to the audience but i felt it wasnt a show. it was really all pride and honour. imagine going thru 9 months of endless training, booking in/out in the same day, the friendships bonded, the lessons learnt and etc. when they threw their peak cap high in the sky, i could see the joy and tears from everyone.

6 more months. thats all i have now. my turn will come. but im not gonna just go thru the motion, i'll be my best for these 6 months.

To Lead, To Excel and To Overcome. RAWR!

of good ol' karma force

031108 IPPT. missed the gold because i got a time for 9:49mins for 2.4km. needed 9:44mins.

211108 IPPT. missed the gold AGAIN, timing is 9:48mins.

utterly disappointed in the 2nd near miss to gold. i knew i could do it. but somehow my mind just totally switched off for the 2nd and 3rd round round the track. i was shitting myself after looking at my timing immediately after the run. really really disappointed. wanted to prove to my PC that i can get that gold since he told me to aim for silver for Service Term first. but looking at the bright side of life(humming the song lol) at least i proved him that i can do it by a near miss.

FOUR seconds. i used to make fun of those who get near misses too. this is why now i believe in karma.

sad. but hey! theres always next time! :D and i know i will get that gold!

anyways, regarding the previous post, like today, 12-14hours of bookout. Book out at 6am. Booking in at 6-8pm. rawrs. life's never easy in OCS.

of the precious weekends

why oh why do weekends seem so short?

field camp was great. exhausting but great.

the sudden thought of my poly days came to mind during the field camp.

gosh. how i miss school. 5months in the army already and 19 to go. still unsure of where to go really.

all i know is that im looking forward to every weekend from now on and spend it wisely.

rawrs.

of the devil

day by day, during trainings, i just wonder to myself.

what the hell am i doing here? why cant i just go home and enjoy my life simply? looking at those 8-5(normal working hours) NSF just really made me think that i could just give up and have 8-5 NS life for the rest of my service. its just some devil telling me to give up. something that whispers to the ear, something that makes you weak, something that makes you think of many ways to chaokeng and what more.

but importantly the mind has to be set the right way. its just the beginning actually. theres alot more to come to test one's will and i know im not the only one whos whining. time is actually flying fast but the fact that im not out there with my family and friends make me think that im losing them. i do miss civilian life.

i know i know. dont give up, endure, blahblahblahblahblahblah x 1000.

officer cadets are highly self-motivated ppl but these are just some soldier's whining believe it or not. soldiers that dont whine are not human. prolly they dont whine infront of you or they just dont want to show their feelings.

but i will always keep this in mind: "if one chooses to lead an easy life, one will never grow"

its good to be back home. section field camp next week.i really dont know what to expect but now its a good time to prepare myself mentally.

and friends out there reading this, lets hang out soon. =D but u plan la, u think i got time to plan meh? your head ah!

of a vision

its gone and i cant find it now.

the fire. which was once so bright and strong, is now dying. im tired. or maybe i just dont have it in myself anymore. im not gonna give up easily yet the journey im going thru will be meaningless. i must find it back.

that is why my friends, that in life, you must have your own vision.

"without clear alignment in your life, ppl still do their work but lack the determination, trust and enthusiathism. in the long run, they either leave or produce only for the preservation of their job."

im sure all of us agree to this.

a vision statement is an expression of HOPE and if we have no hope, there will be no vision. it is something you create and continue to re-create throughout your life.

dont just study for the sake of studying. dont just work because of money. dont just do something to pass time. have a vision guys. a vision can give meaning to life in the most difficult of situations, which made me pull through my BMT and made my way to OCS. i know some of you are reading this and nodding your head but remember,

a vision with no action - a dream
an action with no vision - passing time
a vision and action - changes the world.

i must rekindle this fire. i must make it strong again. i have always depended on hope.
and hope is what i need now.

of the final hours

And remember me tonight
When your asleep
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find


tmr is the start.
start of all things that i have hoped for.
confidence. endurance. perseverance.
9months fiq. 9 months. its just like the start of this year till now.
well. yeah. it looked short.
i know this is the test.
test of the best.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
and i will give my best.

take care everyone. =)

RAWR.