of life and everything else.

100th post.

20/04/09.

Life. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. you cant have everything you want even though you work so hard for it. This is life and I have learnt to accept it. I teared infront of everyone when i knew that i would be put out of course from Jungle Confidence Cource (JCC). Ex. Nomad pushed us so hard that falling out halfway thru JCC is just like stabbing me in the heart. yes, it was a stupid and careless mistake i must admit but accidents happen and lesson learnt.

Life. There are many ups and downs. Just exactly like Ex. Nomad. What goes up, must come down. Ultimately, the experience matter the most and if not, the destination.

Right now, two Out-of-Course(OOC) from OCS infront of me, playing squash happily and smiling. They must know how i feel right now but i would say their situation was much worse than mine. They got over it because there's more to life.

Life. There's really more to it than JCC. Even tho Ex.Nomad was the one and only exercise I've been through, it was definitely the most memorable experience in brunei. Even tho it was just 3 days, i have learnt alot, during and after. the jungle can never ever be underestimated.

Memories of that moment keep going thru my mind. I thought to myself, why did i do that? why didnt i just do it a different way? why should i even do it in the first place? many different questions were asked but i have only one answer for it. That this is life and shit happens and it is how we grow from this and mould to be a better person.

the wound is still bleeding. yes, the real wound on my shin and the wound in my heart. its time to get over it. the JCC badge wont make me a better officer. IT IS JUST A BADGE. importantly, it is the person donning the uniform and the rank that matters.

'For one to survive, one must die.' the Survivor's Creed.

I get to live to fight another day.

i can still feel the pinch in my heart sometimes when ppl talk about JCC. i mean, i missed almost half of the experience. i really wanted to go thru this JCC and get the badge. and then i realise, it doesnt matter. i got friends telling me i can manage thru JCC fine, telling me that i am more than capable. its even sadder when u know some guys are just going thru motion and think they are "Jungle Confident".

its good to know too, that i have many people by my side. and that u can see the true friends in the platoon. and i can see that JCC really made my friends more appreciative of what they have. and it also showed many bastards out there.

and u guys out there reading this. remember, dont be too disheartened if you lose in life. its how u pick up yourself after that.

ahh. life. it should be enjoyed. =D

of being away in the jungle

always keep your mind sharp syafiq.

always.

21days again.

10days to test my own strength and mentality.

nothing's never easy in this world.

for i will get that Jungle Confidence Course(JCC) Badge after that 10days.

i will. and i will work hard for it.

take care while im gone, yet again. =)

of different walks of life

i really havent had the time to blog recently, due to the limited hours of bookouts i have from post-taiwan to pre-brunei.

but i can always say a few words before i can begin a good post before i fly off to brunei on the 7th of april.

"it's one thing for the body to go weak but another for the mind."

"the mind can never give up and if it does, you might as well be dead knowing you didnt try your best"

of not knowing what to expect

21 days.

thats how long im gonna be gone for.

Taiwan. its gonna be cold. but im excited. excited for this trip. it wont be easy but i know it'll be fun. ppl claim that overseas exercises are the best experience.

take care when im gone.
i'll be back on the 26th feb at 8am!! rawr!

but.. sigh.

excited yet i feel strange.

of keeping one motivated

technically speaking, i have four months left. i still remember vividly before i enter to OCS. i was afraid. so so afraid. hell, who wouldnt be afraid of nine months of shit?

ive come to far to give up now. looking back, time has past by so fast yet it feels so slow right now. time after time, i've been down but...

after looking at my family photo, after reading the letter from field camp, after looking thru the happy faces in facebook, somehow, i smiled. every soldier has their own motivation and i just mentioned mine. we all have something to fight for, not just soldiers, even normal civilians like u. studies, sports, you name it. its a competition out there.

after watching band of brothers, im inspired. It is not gonna be easy to be an officer and now is the time to make mistakes and LEARN from them. it is never too late in OCS.

whats your motivation?

of fighting spirit

"endure"
"just a lil' bit more, fiq, just endure"
"u failed because of a stupid mistake, now its time to prove everyone that this is possible"
"cmon, just endure, glory is waiting"
"are you weak?"
"then run, run like you never run before"

knees felt weak, out of breathe, i kept running. i could really feel my lungs bursting, my legs collapsing any moment. i could my head feeling heavy, my heart beating so fast, i felt time was slowly down on me. the finishing line was just 400m away. it was painful. it was killing me softly but i had to go on. i had to do it.

when you know the end is near, but somehow something wants you to give up because it too painful. you know that you are trying your best. it isnt about physically challenging but it mentally challenging. but your mind got tired trying to fight the never-ending battle. and then it comes to this.

the fighting the spirit in YOU. it was like the last resort that i had left. the fighting spirit in me. i failed my SOC by 3 seconds because of a stupid mistake and i dont wanna repeat it again. its painful. a painful 9mins, i told myself.

100m left. i could already feel my feet burning inside my boots. i opened my strides, i swung my arms. 2 guys were infront of me within 25metres reach. of all people, Master Sergeant Ronnie was at the end line yelling at us, "THE THREE OF YOU BETTER OVERTAKE ONE ANOTHER, AND YOU, U FAILED BY A FEW SECONDS, YOU BETTER SPRINT AND OVERTAKE!"

somehow, the spirit in me started to burn, like an ember fired up. i pushed harder, overtaking the 1st man and almost reaching the 2nd man, i ended the test. 8:55. 9:29 was the passing mark.

the pain was gone. i just felt so relieved. the feeling was like, on top of the world. i hate near misses and thats why i felt sooooo joyous. im thankful for my instructors who kept poking me saying "3secs fiq, 3 secs" over the past few days. i just shook my head. but now i can hold my head up high. knowing ive passed it. its no big feat actually, but im actually making it so. haha. =D

fighting spirit. a spirit we will never realise the true potential till the hard and painful times. its what that keeps us going.

of the new year and being yourself

its a brand new year. and definitely theres a need for some resolutions.

1) commission SAFELY(i used to be so stubborn u see, injured/sick also want to chiong) as an Officer in the SAF. Commissioning Parade on the 13th June.
2) save money. must save save save save save already. always so broke last year.
3) learn as much as i can this year(too lazy sometimes last year)
4) not telling you! or you! :D

2008. just wow. so many things happened. Graduation, working for Asia Outdoors, enlisted to the Army on the 14th June and selected to go Officer Cadet School on the 22nd Sept. I must say, time pass really fast when you're looking back. The people i've met in AO and the army has broadened my perspective of every individuals and first impressions dont really last till u get to know them better.

AO instructors, so many of them work in different unique ways. the army, has exhausted me so much but i persevered. my recent injury, has demoralised me so much. if i had just one word to describe everything about 2008, the word is "mentality".

I have been down countless times during 2008 but something always kept me going. I remember i cried so hard during BMT when i received a letter from my family during our dreaded 6days field camp. i remember i got so tired while leading the students up gunung panti. i remember the exhausting times in army when theres alot of thought of just giving up. and so much more. 2008 made me realised that i have something in myself. and that is positive attitude that keeps me going in whatever the circumstances are.

I cared so much for the students during AO, I gave my all in the army(of course got slack times :D) and i put my heart and soul in everything i did. people would say pride, people would say crazy, people would say so many things but why should i care of what people say when i can be myself and yet enjoy the moments.

during my recent interview with my instructor in OCS, he asked me to rate myself in the platoon. 1 being the best, 5 being the worst. "2 sir" "no syafiq, you are 1, you are one of the best in the platoon and i want you to keep it up." those words shocked me and of course, i wanted to smile but i held back. haha. he questioned me again "what have u done and deserved this?" and i thought for a moment. i couldnt think of anything that could justify the question so i just said "i dont know?"

i went back to my bunk and gave alot of thought on that question. and then it struck me. If i dont know what ive done, then i was just BEING MYSELF. being yourself means that you have done something and you dont even realise it or even think about it for a moment before doing something. i had a mentality to come OCS and slack but i just couldnt :S haha!

but i must say, my recent knee injury has demoralised me alot. my fire has been down.im proud to say this tho, that my positive attitude has been trying its best to light the fire again. i have 5 more months left and i remember before coming to OCS, that i have NINE LONG MONTHS and now i left with 5. FIVE.

lets do this fiq. top priority: take care of that knee and STOP BEING STUBBORN!

RAWRS.