a man of few words..

of the game

2010-12-08T00:00:00.002+08:00

life's been great these days. started flying, exploring the world with my very own eyes, meeting new people with different walks of life, biting bullets along the way, climbing up the progression ladder and what more.

Since the last post, gosh, I've learnt and experienced way too many things. It ain't overwhelming, its just that I'm only 22. Maturing myself is something that I'm trying to accomplish and I do know sometimes I am childish, but hey, nothing wrong being a child at heart yeah? but of course, maturity goes a long, long, loooong way.

I've been down and been reflecting and I've learnt that life goes only one way.

Forward.

I've been hit hard by life. But there's really no point in dwelling. I keep telling myself to let it go, to move on, to go forward. It's difficult but I keep trying. Day by day, I try to keep myself busy and not think about the heartbreaking moments. Flight by flight, I try to find myself. Giving myself an early xmas gift. Canon G12. Picking up a new hobby(photography) along the way.

I want to believe that I moved on. There were some nights I would dream about her and I would wake up disappointed, but life has to go on again. I remember I asked a friend, "don't you feel lonely at times?"

He replied "I do, but I'm happy this way till I find the right person." I didn't knew what he meant, till now.

I realised I've been focusing my energy on the wrong things. well, ALL my energy. I guess work's more important now, to get back to my feet, increase my self-confidence and focus the right amount of energy in everything I do.

This maturing thing is getting to me, somehow, one way or another.

all is fair in love and war, and i'm back into it again. but i learnt my lessons now. like she said, "people change".

watch out world.

of that very fear i fear

2010-09-14T20:58:00.002+08:00

Here I am again, but I felt that this is the only way I could express my thoughts and emotions.

Life has been really a roller coaster ever since I've signed on that dotted line, understanding that the job will have high expectations of oneself, through any means necessary. Never knew that I also had free tickets to a brand new emotional theme park.

I met this beautiful lady during my second day of the interview. Although we didn't make any conversation amongst ourselves, but we were part of a group who were anxiously waiting for the final round of interview. My friend 'D' and I agreed that she was beautiful. I told 'D' to get to know her, since its been a long time he has dated. He refused, saying that he is not rushing to date any.

We met again in another separate occasion and this time, she really caught my eye. No words could explain that moment but I thought I was just an infatuation. Even though I was talking and making jokes to other ladies in the room, somehow I kept wishing she would join in the fun. Somehow I kept pushing this feeling to 'D' and again he refused yet again.

Being the cheeky me, I decided to look her up in Facebook (like every other girls when I know their name) and voila, I found her. Being a good friend of 'D', I shared the info and we added her eventually. I only knew she and 'D' would chat in Facebook. I would be looking at her photos and just be amazed on how she looks beautifully.

First day of our training and there she was again with her friend, sashaying her way over to the security gates while I was in awe. 'D' and I approached her and we made our way to our class, as she was leading the way. I could still remember vividly that she was wearing a white dress, with a gigantic Foundation Term book across her arm. It was weird, honestly. Somehow in some way this beautiful lady has gotten my attention, and not many girls do. I knew 'D' had her number so I asked, and almost immediately asking her to join us for dinner with another mutual friend. I could still remember that evergreen smile on her face when her batch came to greet us and when she greeted me personally "Hello Syafiq" on her turn, my heart just melted right through my stomach.

She rejected but I was determined to get to know her. She knew me by the scandal boy back then because of 'D'. String of smses came along after that. Day by Day. Night by Night. It was really enjoyable to get to know her and the infatuation turned out to be strong feelings after awhile. I would tell 'D' that she and I had been smsing each other for awhile and he even jokingly said "If you guys get together already I will be damn shock la" on the 2nd week of our training. I thought I could brush this feeling away, but when I saw 'D' smsing and talking to her at work, I would get jealous. At that point of time, I knew that the feelings were true. I would get so excited going back home and would log in MSN almost instantly to chat with her. There would be smiles and laughter in every conversation and it has been a long time that I had this feeling.

For 'D' would get really emotional at times and I just couldn't figure out why. I probed him with questions but being the stubborn him, he just refused to let me know. After much investigation and pondering, it dawned upon me that he had feelings for her as well.

Few weeks passed, and I knew I wasn't being myself. I was torn between two important things in my life. Love or Friendship? People would say Love is a very strong word, but I knew this is how I felt towards her.

To keep it simple with no bombastic words, the feeling sucked. hard.

D and I wouldn't even talk, so much so it built a tension so strong that one day he just blurted out on me right infront of the class and walked off. Even our "make-out" conversation after that didn't turned out right. I had this feeling that he hates me as he felt he had the initial eye contact, but I never knew how he felt towards her. If I knew, I wouldn't have even initiated the courtship.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

This isn't the first time that my friends and I will have feelings for a girl at the same time. Usually I would give in, suffering in the shadows. But this time, this lady is different and I can't really find words to explain myself. I have initially tried to give in again, but night will always be filled with tears. This lady has made me realised that the feelings I had grew even stronger, that it might turned out to be love. And whenever I fall in love, a few things will happen and namely for this case, it is the triangle.

Sometimes I asked myself. Do I deserve all this? Do I even deserve love in the first place? Why must it be between a friend, which I have known very well for two years? Both of us would agree that we do not know each other now. The things that love can do.

And that is the exact reason why I fear love. because shit will happen. This emotional roller coaster has been really a great ride which made me realised that one day, I will and must overcome this fear. I have made my commitment that I will stand by her side if she needs me. Whoever that she ends up with, I would want her to feel what is love, for it is the greatest feeling.

For the past few days, I know I have been childish. All along I have been lonely and I hated the feeling. All I am asking is for someone that I could share my sorrows and joy with, that I look forward to meet, that I can be honest without any fear, that I can grow and mature with, and most important that I can be myself.

As much as I want her to text/call me everyday, as much as I want her to be my side all the time, as much as I want her to feel the same way as I do, as much as I want to kiss her, as much as I want to hug her, I know I can't. Because ultimately it is her decision. All I can say is that I am thinking of her all the time.

- - - - - - - - - - -

There are things that I have done in consideration for feelings of others but I realised I haven't considered my own.

I would try to sms her discreetly, because 'D' would always turn towards my direction.

I would tell her to always reply 'D' because she means everything to 'D' and even the simplest of replies would make him be himself around others.

I would tell her to not sms me and enjoy the night with 'D'.

I would tell 'D' that there is always a chance.

I would try to cover up my tracks so that 'D' would not know that I am going out with her.

I would try to divert the conversation with 'D' whenever he asked if I am going out with her.

I would do anything just to make the both of them happy. I would try not to sms/call her, so that I would not pressurize her.

and many others. but never once I felt that I need to step up my game to impress her. I would want her to accept me for who I am.

But look at me now, all miserable. I think I have too good a heart. or maybe a bad one to start with, and karma has taken over. And some considerations have led to bad consequences. I think 'D' hates me now for lying to him the other night in Butter Factory.

Whatever happened to the happy-go-lucky Syafiq that I know?

Whatever happened to the Syafiq that everybody looked up to for inspiration and motivation?

Whatever happened to the Syafiq that would seem that he has the world in his hands?

She keeps talking to me about equity, but I feel that there is no need for equity. I feel that she's tired trying to handle the both of us but at the same time enjoys the company as well.

Sometimes, I am worried for her. I nag at her for a purpose, but maybe I shouldn't. Who am I to nag?

And sometimes I know that I made a big mistake when I threw my frustrations at her.

Sometimes I feel that she's hiding something from me, to keep me happy. All I ask for is honesty. The more I know, the more I feel that she could trust me.

All in all, I just want to know how she feels..

sigh. enough ranting for 3hours to the bloody blog. but i feel better definitely.

till then.

yours truly.

of life's a game

2010-07-04T04:57:00.001+08:00

dont you hear sincerity in my voice when i talk?

of that day

2010-06-13T19:37:00.002+08:00

It's been a year.

Memories overwhelmed my thoughts as I watch the video, not forgetting the tears that I tried to fight back. It was the proudest moment of my life and my loved ones.

The moment of glory will always be remembered.

of a fable

2010-06-10T01:18:00.003+08:00

running from your past is like running in circles.

all this time, we got the fable of sleeping beauty wrong. the prince didnt kiss her to wake her up. no one who's slept for a hundred years is likely to wake up. it was the other way around. he kisses her to wake himself up from the nightmare that has brought him there.

and i can't keep living this way.

of 8 years.

2010-06-05T03:35:00.003+08:00

very nice chilling session @ Blu Jaz (cheap yet good food!) and Marina Barrage.

its been 6 years since we got together. everyone has their own story to tell.

man, i can't even remember whether this is sec 2 or 3.

of falling slowly

2010-05-16T16:55:00.001+08:00

I don't know you

but I want you.

All the more for that.

Words fall through me

and always fool me

and I can't react.

------------------------------

Backflip at kota tinggi resorts two years ago. Those were the days.. :)

of not afraid

2010-05-08T17:07:00.002+08:00

I'mma be what I set out to be,

without a doubt undoubtedly.

And all those who look down on me

I'm tearing down your balcony.

eminem rocks.

of a long ride home

2010-04-29T23:31:00.004+08:00

There are a few things that I need to do but I've been procrastinating. No more excuses. Need to clean and re-organise my room and clear out my wardrobe. rawrs. Maybe I should do a before and after photo hmmmm

Slowly, but surely. Starts now. Better late than never eh? :D

SIA Air Steward Interview on the 8th May. Pretty nervous but I'm confident. :D

and it seems like yesterday, it was just a dream. but those days are gone.

of a reminder

2010-04-26T00:30:00.005+08:00

I love to win but sometimes, I just forget to have fun.

One day I would want to hire someone to do just one thing.

To remind me by whispering to my ear everytime I do something.

"Have fun"

-------------

Anyways, was looking thru photos in my harddisk and found this. That was 2 years ago, when they were sec 2. Wondering how are they now. :D

of being great

2010-04-22T00:29:00.005+08:00

Just exactly one year ago, I laid down on my bed in Brunei with a bleeding heart and shin.

of life and everything else.

In the midst of my duty in camp, walking from one company to another, I recalled a few moments back in Brunei.

The moment I teared infront of everyone in the rover.

The moment I yelled in pain when the medic applied iodine to my wound.

The moment I wrote the encouraging letter for my team to go on without me.

The moment I was all alone in the bunk for 6 days, waiting for their arrival from JCC.

It was painful. It was tear jerking.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Many have asked me this. Too many in fact.

"Sir, why never sign on? You so fit and hardworking, sure can go far"

My reply? "Haha yeah, I thought about it but I feel that something great out there is waiting for me, thanks for the compliment tho"

I agree. Stable job & income. But really, I cannot escape this gut feeling that something great out there is waiting for me. I have a roadmap planned out for my life and i'll stick with my principles and beliefs. I know I must do one thing. Just one thing.

I have to be great.

of a dedicated post to Comd

2010-04-14T00:06:00.002+08:00

I approached him and with all my sincerity, I gave a firm handshake and said "Thank you for everything, sir"

"I hope you have learned something"

We exchanged wide smiles. As I walked away, I mumbled to myself, "Most definitely."

He is by far the best mentor/boss I have worked with. Well, he isn't really my boss, more like a big boss to me. A patient yet inspiring leader, I will miss working together with him. By just looking and observing on how he communicates and listens, his actions alone have inspired me to whole new level. I really admire his endless energy, quick thinking and patience. It was he, the humble and avid-adventurer Colonel, who made me realised that my work here had a greater purpose which always push me further whenever I'm down and worn-out. His story of conquering Mt. Everest and reaching the south pole with his worn out ankles is still very inspiring to hear.

His favourite phrase to me, "Not scolding you ah, this is a learning process ok."

His guidance had always make me reflect on my own leadership skills. This is why leaders aren't born.

They are groomed.

Thank you again, COL Ang Yau Choon.

of decisions

2010-04-12T00:52:00.000+08:00

The hard part isn't making the decision.

It's living with it.

of that moment

2010-04-08T05:04:00.003+08:00

Do you know that everytime you're near,

everybody else seems so far away.

So can you come and make them disappear,

make them disappear and we can stay.

5am. /flex

of online shopping

2010-04-06T00:38:00.002+08:00

for future reference.

yes. recently, i have an obsession for polos.

of a dream

2010-04-05T01:13:00.002+08:00

I was on my bed fer almost the whole day on Friday, loving every moment of it. With my left hand hugging my pillow and my right over my head, I said something to myself.

"I'll be a successful man one day, with a beautiful wife and kids."

I sat up, smiled and there I was, back to reality...

hooray.

of clearing the air

2010-03-30T01:15:00.002+08:00

I decided to enforce a few things back in the office last Thursday. I wasn't being harsh. I just wanted things to be fair for both parties. So two colleagues posted something pretty ugly in facebook and I thought it was directed at me. Of course, like i mentioned i "thought".

So I decided to clear the air. One should never be afraid to face your opponents.

Turned out it wasn't me but we had a good talk in the end and at the same time telling them to understand my situation. Its never good to be the middle man to be honest. All my intentions were never bad, they were good.

And I hope both parties understand this.

ANYWAY. COUNTDOWN LO. Who needs an application/software/countdown timer when you have the newpaper counting down for you everyday? :P

(coincidentally, my ORD falls on the start of the World Cup)

of disappointment

2010-03-25T23:33:00.004+08:00

Sometimes you try to make an effort to change certain things - you end up disappointed anyway.

The problem doesn't lie with the people or myself. Change IS the problem.

I know some shit's so hard to swallow,

But I can't just sit back and wallow

in my own sorrow

but I know one fact,

I'll be one tough act to follow.

of ...

2010-03-22T01:01:00.002+08:00

I guess it's official.

All I can do now is smile and pretend that everything's the same.

If you're happy, then I wish you well because I have been a coward.

Let's start all over again eh, fiq?

of being an instructor

2010-03-20T10:04:00.003+08:00

It's been a week since I came back from St. Theresa's Convent Pulau Ubin Camp. To be honest, the girls were wonderful. After a 2 year hiatus, I was back in the business. Working as an instructor is far more fulfilling than any other jobs I have taken up so far. Of so many camps that I have done, this was the only camp that had the most impact on me and of course, I almost cried - multiple times.

I had to serve the girls.

I had to carry alooot of logistics for the events.

I had to teach.

I had to boost their morale.

I had to do many other things that at the end of the night, I felt satisfied of my achievements.

But importantly, when I decided I would take up the job, I had only one goal in mind - To change their lives or at most, give them the best ever camp experience of their lifetime. Thanks to my mirror instructor and attached instructor, we worked together to achieve our common goal.

The best feeling ever?

It wasn't the time to sleep.

It wasn't the time I could rest.

It wasn't the time I was all alone in my own world.

It was when the girls and their teacher approached me to say one simple word.

"Thanks." - with the best ever sincerity they could ever show me when I look in their eyes.

And to me, it wasn't about the money when I did the job.

But I won my kind of million dollars. :)

of another song

2010-03-10T00:38:00.000+08:00

of two values

2010-03-04T00:43:00.003+08:00

I have to be honest. The past three days were hectic and mind draining. I can't believe that it's Thursday already.

I hate it when very clear instructions were given out weeks before and people don't heed them. And because of these people, I have to wait for their submissions and work even harder to meet the deadline. My colleague said this "Two values that people will never change. Stupidity and Stubbornness."

but I'm glad the impossible became possible. Job's done and I need a break. But no... more things coming up.

3 more months to ORD. and my Commander said this to me before I left his room.

"Syafiq, don't ORD ok."

I smiled, shook my head, and walked away.

and i realised today that i'm kinda lonely. :/

of your thinking

2010-03-02T01:38:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wonder,

Why am I tanking all the big events when the other is just doing a simple task.

Why am I doing this when the other can eat his lunch and I can't.

Why am I wearing that rank which people will always look up to me and ask me the 5 W and 1 H.

Everyday I ask myself these questions.

If one could change one's thinking, the world can be different.

Just imagine.

It starts to pour heavily on a beautiful day.

Person A might feel "Arghhh I hate the rain"

Person B might feel "Wow good weather for once!"

You see, that's just a simple example. But I hope I make my point.

That what you feel is what you think.

Everyday I will think that I am the right man for the job.

Everyday I will think that people trust in me and that's why they ask these questions.

Everyday I will think on how to make people happy.

And I don't go

"Ah Fuck my Life, everything I also kena"

"Why is the work bearing me dowwwnnnn"

"Why are you people asking me sooo many questions when I am so busy?!"

If I am beating around the bush, I am saying that,

Your thinking can change who you are.

Think about it.

of the little things

2010-02-25T00:43:00.003+08:00

He was intelligent and a bright young man but nothing can be taken for granted ever since he attempted suicide only recently. He blamed his mum, exclaimed that she does not deserve to be a mother. He further on explained that he was deeply disappointed with his mum and being disappointed is much worse than being angry, which I totally agreed with him. His dad? Well, he passed away 11 years ago.

I compared his life to mine and I'm so ever grateful for my good family upbringing. My parents worked so hard for all four of us to be where we are today. They are getting old and I guess it is my filial duty to take care of them now. Every month I would give them $100 each and would at least plan a dinner or movie with them to hang out as one happy family. These are the little things we human choose to avoid, mainly love and commitment.

After my stint in the many adventure camps and army trainings, the experience gained made me believe that life should not be taken for granted. We all should enjoy what we have, even if it means that you are one level down than the rest. Why? Because happiness is a wonderful thing.

Remember, always enjoy the little things.

of looking in yer eyes

2010-02-16T12:10:00.003+08:00

I don't wanna look in your eyes someday, I see no spark, no love, no life.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

That would break my heart.

of a determined mind

2010-02-08T23:35:00.003+08:00

One should always try, but not too hard.
One should always take things easy because life is always hard.

Take it easy yo!

the sound of an old guitar is saving you...

of catching up

2010-02-03T21:56:00.002+08:00

It's kinda funny.

One of my resolutions was to play catch-up with my long lost friends and strangely enough, day by day, I accidentally bumped to most of them and had a short catch-up session on the spot. It's great to know that they're doing well. :D

Anyways, 4 more months.

Can't wait!

of many thoughts

2010-02-01T02:09:00.002+08:00

There are some thoughts that I really need to get it answered.

or maybe it just doesn't deserve any answers... sigh.

I can't believe what I'll do...

of inside of love

2010-01-26T00:26:00.002+08:00

this is an old song, but old songs doesnt mean they die.

and no, I'm not emo. hah!

of a New Year part 2

2010-01-13T00:24:00.003+08:00

but... I have no regrets, because no one should live with regrets.

Ever since the new year began, I've done so many thing I should have done last year. A medical checkup on my knee, which I am going through physiotherapy now, made an appointment for my Dental Checkup for my gum problems, met up with friends to catch up and get medication for my disgusting foot rot. Still, there are many more on the to-do-list, but hey, this is only the first month!

I got confused when I was planning for my future. I mean, really, there's so many things one can do. I wanted to fly, study, go back to playing sports competitively again, just to name a few. I even had trouble thinking of what new year's resolutions I should have.

I was searching for my notebook in my office and I stumbled upon a book which I decided to take a peek. And strangely enough, the page that I flipped to said this "First ask yourself this question, what do you want?" and it further explains that by asking this question alone solves the many questions in your head. I chuckled at my luck and I sat down in the cold office thinking of what I want.

And now I know. Sometimes we search for one thing but discover another. I'm still in the midst of writing down of what I want but at least I made the first move and I'm glad I did.

so, what do you want?

of a New Year part 1

2010-01-05T00:36:00.003+08:00

Here it is again.

A brand new year.

I must say, 2009 was really full of ups and downs.

It tested my limits,
brought me to hell and back,
showed me who are I really love,
opened my eyes to who my true friends are,
gifted me the opportunity to learn and grow,
directed me a path to what is true leadership,
taught me that life should not be taken for granted,
enlightened me that the world is out there waiting for you,
presented that dreams are not all about reality but fears as well,
and made me believe that one can make a huge difference in a person's life.

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Fears are part of parcel of life. It is how we want to overcome them or just chicken out and let the fear ruin the mind. If we don't take calculated risks, we will never walk the talk and from there, we cannot walk the walk.

I'm half-smiling while I'm typing. Why? Because for 2009, I was always afraid. But this is 2010, where I know I must overcome the fears because if I don't try, I will never, ever, know. Man, I should be crowned the King of Procrastinators in 2009. There were so many things that I should have done but...

of that lonely christmas

2009-12-24T23:55:00.001+08:00

I've got alot of things to say.

But this post is solely dedicated to Christmas.

So....

MERRY XMAS YO!

of leading by example

2009-12-13T04:13:00.003+08:00

4am.

I'm tired yet I can't sleep. But I'm grateful as I'm taking this time to reflect on the past month. I do enjoy my work now, ironically because I hate desk-bound jobs. I have learned so much and this is what I would take away from my National Service.

Being an Officer isn't easy. Oh hell, who said it would be easy? But again, I'm not complaining. It just pushes me on fer greater things. On top of the pile of work, I still take some time off and people would think I'm not working. But I can't imagine myself working straight 7-8hours each day. I walk around, workout in the gym, talk to my men and whatever else to get work out of mind. One very important take away from this month would be taking care of the men under me. I can't just work and work and work and forget about my men.

I had some time to know them, to befriend them and to draw the line when I need to. And it's paying off thankfully. And strangely enough, they are the ones who motivate me to work. Respect is a mutual thing and it's damn hard to earn it.

"I answer for their training, morale and discipline." from the Officer's Creed.

Live by the Creed.

I'm not angry and I never will, just.. disappointed.

of anywhere but here

2009-12-07T22:16:00.003+08:00

I remember the day back in OCS, when my buddy asked me this question:

"If you had any power, be it superhuman or from superheroes in the comics/movies, what would it be?"

I pondered for awhile, and answered, "The power to persuade to do anything I desire, the act of coercion". He nodded. "That's actually a personality question." Further on he probed another question,

What would be the Weakness of this power? - I wouldn't be able to do it on someone I love the most.

"So what does these questions mean?", I asked.

"You'll find out one day."

And strangely enough, that moment is still stuck in my head...

of essence of leadership

2009-12-02T00:41:00.002+08:00

"A true leader has the confidence to stand alone, the courage to make tough decisions, and the compassion to listen to the needs of others. He does not set out to be a leader, but becomes one by the quality of his actions and the integrity of his intent. In the end, leaders are much like eagles...they don't flock, you find them one at a time."

of achievements

2009-11-30T00:03:00.003+08:00

I opened my eyes, staring into the ceiling of my bedroom and suddenly, I had this feeling.

The feeling to go have a run. 8pm on my watch but I could not be bothered. I've always wanted to run again, after procrastinating time and time again. So I did it and felt so damn good after it. It was a short run, just 5km but the feel of accomplishment to do it, yes, to do it, felt so good.

I really need to start exercising again. Office work really glued me to my seat nowadays, with the never ending work with crazy deadlines.

I remember how my anger would get the best out of me. But I feel that I have full control of it now. I remember countless times when I lashed out at my friends, they never look the same way at me again. It's something that I've always been trying and I maybe I've achieved it.

Patience is a virtue, not anger...

of meeting you halfway

2009-11-17T21:06:00.003+08:00

i can't go any further than this...
i want you so badly, it's my biggest wish...

of second chances

2009-11-17T00:35:00.003+08:00

I really need a break from work. The endless meetings that I had to attend, the amounting problems each day I had to face. Not that I can't handle it, let me just call this, work rant. Hah.

I'm sure all of you have something to rant about. Thankfully there's friends and colleagues helping each other out, although some of them just to have the easy way out and don't bother about a single thing.

Firstly when I entered the officer as an officer, it was the "rank-barrier". Slowly but surely this rank barrier will be gone in no time but there's another barrier that I would need to face, the "friend-barrier". Of course, its harder to make someone to do a task if you're a friend. They'll do it eventually after a bit of influencing. That's what I'm trying to learn.

The art of persuading/influencing. heh.

Would you ever give someone a second chance?

I'm not too sure myself...

of camaraderie part 2

2009-11-02T00:50:00.002+08:00

I know that winning isn't everything yet I still would want to win. I've been through many criticism, be it rugby, soccer, any sports or anything really. It's demoralising to be honest but something inside me tells me to improve, to prove them wrong, to show who I am. I'm driven, thats what I am.

We lost in the end, 2-4 in that Ultimate Frisbee match. After much criticism from the previous matches, we were driven to prove anyone wrong but yet, sometimes, things don't go your way. But like what Russell Swan said in my previous posts, "I won my kind of million dollars"

I really miss the camaraderie that I had in all of my team activities, from sports and from the outdoor lifestyle. The fellowships and the friendships forged will always be etched in my mind.

And I really hope I do have a chance to do something like this again. I've taken up individual sports as well, like Archery, Air Rifle and single events in sports day and I just don't feel the same sense of achievement, even if I will win the gold. I don't know, maybe it's just me.

Opinions?

of camaraderie part 1

2009-10-29T00:37:00.003+08:00

"Ok. We need to form up a frisbee team for the Sports Day which is next month. You, come. You, come. You, come. Ok we need, a few more. Before I choose you, volunteer yourself, help us represent for Sports Day."

Unknowingly, 8 of us got ourselves into the frisbee team with almost all of us with a little or no knowledge of how Ultimate Frisbee is actually played. But we had so called "incentives". Just play frisbee every Monday, Wednesday and Friday for a month without participating in any endurance runs which are usually planned. Some grumbled, some enthusiastic but we trained and trained.

Another 3 decided to join us a week later, due to the fact that most of their friends are in the team and no one's playing soccer with them. Then a week after, another 2 joined us, for the sake of passion and the willingness to help out and win for the Sports Day. Morale was a boost. Now we have two players who know how to play really well and we learnt alot from them.

Sport's Day came. Believe it or not, we lost to Team XYZ by 4-0 in the first match, which resulted us to have a second chance in the Loser's Pool. Demoralized but we knew that we needed to win the next one to continue in the tournament. We played our hearts out for the second match we win 3-1.

Third Match aka Semi-Finals was a tough opponent but we kept telling ourselves that we have trained so hard from scratch that nothing in this world would dampen our spirits and heart to win this. After much much drama, we won 3-2.

Finals await us. Opponent....... Team XYZ against the whole world looking at us from the Grand Stands. Previously our matches we played away from the main field but for the Finals, the main event of the day, were to be played in the main field.

We were nervous, we were exhausted from our previous matches but all in all, we were excited. Another chance at the opponent that trashed us. Another chance to prove ourselves worthy. Another chance to show that our trainings paid off. Another chance to show our brotherhood formed.

4mins to the game. We were 2-0 up.....

6mins left
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of better than to never try

2009-10-24T01:01:00.005+08:00

I reached home and unpacked my stuffs, turned on the TV and it was showing Survivor:Samoa. Survivor really challenges one to the limit and if I had a chance to participate, oh hell yeah I would. But this episode had an incident that a man had fainted and had to be dropped out of the game.

I felt he was the best player in the game at that point of time and to be dropped out of an injury would be such a waste. He was the Leader of Galu, a tribe, and mentioned that everyday he would think about his team and their future reward/challenges, about their food and almost everything team related. He had only little food everyday yet he would walk for miles to get firewood. He was determined to win that million dollars but his body, of all things, failed him which was utterly demoralizing.

"Every minute that I was here was to win this game, every stick of wood was to win this game, every late hour keeping the fire going through the rain was to win this game, every minute the group huddled in the shelter in the rain while I am out fishing that was to win the game. I did everything in my power but I learnt my lesson, somethings just don't turn out for you."

"Whatever it is that you wanted to do, whatever that thing is that always has been nagging about in your head, go for it. Because to do it, to be in it and fail, it's better than to never try. And if I get those type of opportunities, that I won my kind of one million dollars"

-Russel Swan

I saw only 5 minutes of that show till it ended but the words said in that 5 minutes will always be remembered.

of a return from hiatus

2009-10-11T23:23:00.003+08:00

I remember back when i was Secondary Three when I was arguing with my mum in the middle of the night on why I could not chill out with my friends, why I am always bounded with curfews, why do I always have to stay home and not go out and comparing with some of my friends that could enjoy so much freedom at that point of time. All in all, I could only remember one thing that she said "You will thank me for bringing you up when you grow older" and I really didn't believe I would say that.

6 years now, I haven't tell her this, nor I plan to. I don't know how to say this now, as I'm typing this, I'm trying to find the words to say what I feel. To make it really simple...

Thank you, mum.

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I have always wanted to start blogging again but I just could not find the right time. Right time you may ask? For me, it's all about the the feeling, the urge and the anxiety that needs to be shared. These past four months had been a blast.

From my very own 21st birthday, from Commissioned as a Officer, posted to Maju Camp and reposted to Pasir Laba Camp, meeting many new people of all ages, celebrating friends' birthdays that I watched them grow since they were teenagers and getting thrown into situations that you have no knowledge or background in, just to name a few. And it all boils down to one value that I have learned from these four months.

The ability to adapt.

I don't know about the readers who are reading this but I feel that the Army has changed me. Really, if you feel so, tell me. People in this world are very selfish in terms of positive criticism or praises, don't let them be you. These are the things that make one grow or feel a sense of achievement but still, we are all selfish. I admit, I'm selfish but I'm learning to give praises and comments on the go, of course, trying to put it in a good manner.

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And I'm tired. I need a getaway for a few days. 9 days of leave and I'm thinking to go on a holiday with that or stay home and sleep. Heh.

What about now?

of living life the right way

2009-05-16T02:09:00.003+08:00

life. its so goddamn political but actually, its pretty simple. PEOPLE make it complicated. thats why i decided to keep things simple from now on.

i have a recent colleague, who has been so lazy these few months and now he is an appointment holder, he expects us to do what he will reluctant to do if he is not an appointment holder. i mean, why oh why do u expect us to do it when you, in the first place, wont do it if ppl ask u to? so i decided to play a little bit of payback/revenge/being a bastard. i rejected what he asked me to do on purpose, but i decided to help out the guy who got arrowed on the SAME job instead.

i wanted him to feel the pain. i wanted him to feel the agony of every appointment holder that has been calling out for volunteers. i wanted him to feel it.

and then i realised, no fiq, this isnt the way. another colleague of mine, who knows about these situations, told me to stay neutral. we all should live life the right way by not taking anyone's side and just be yourself. we should treat people the same way you want them to treat you.

he got me thinking. and im pretty sure some of you will be thinking of the above sentence.

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heh.

i just had a recent presentation. it was to assess our presentation skills as an officer. so yeah. we could talk about anything in the world. took me awhile to get a subject to talk on and i decided to talk about computers.

what? computers? boring topic? geek sia? heh. what i learned is that the topic does not matter. the presenter MATTERS alot. if the presenter can arouse the audience in his topic, then he is successful.

of course, we were given critiques for our presentations. and i must say, i kinda improve alot of my presentation skills. i remember during my poly days when i would fear presentations, standing infront of the class and talk nonstop with the powerpoint slides behind me. i would stutter, i would read from the slides, i would have alot of fillers in my sentences, alot of pauses etc. my colleagues told me i did an excellent job during my presentation altho there were still areas of improvement.

i pretty sure that some of the readers here are afraid of presentation but really, it takes practice and dont be shy to rehearse by looking at the mirror. confidence. confidence. confidence. i cannot stress enough on confidence. dont let the fear control you. dont say that youre shy. because this is life.

and life is about taking chances. if you are shy, if you aint confident, then u aint going nowhere. if u dont try, you will never know.

somehow, just somehow, on the 15th of May, i woke up with the feeling that im a different person. different as in, i know that i have changed for the better. =)

of life and everything else.

2009-04-28T21:46:00.004+08:00

100th post.

20/04/09.

Life. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. you cant have everything you want even though you work so hard for it. This is life and I have learnt to accept it. I teared infront of everyone when i knew that i would be put out of course from Jungle Confidence Cource (JCC). Ex. Nomad pushed us so hard that falling out halfway thru JCC is just like stabbing me in the heart. yes, it was a stupid and careless mistake i must admit but accidents happen and lesson learnt.

Life. There are many ups and downs. Just exactly like Ex. Nomad. What goes up, must come down. Ultimately, the experience matter the most and if not, the destination.

Right now, two Out-of-Course(OOC) from OCS infront of me, playing squash happily and smiling. They must know how i feel right now but i would say their situation was much worse than mine. They got over it because there's more to life.

Life. There's really more to it than JCC. Even tho Ex.Nomad was the one and only exercise I've been through, it was definitely the most memorable experience in brunei. Even tho it was just 3 days, i have learnt alot, during and after. the jungle can never ever be underestimated.

Memories of that moment keep going thru my mind. I thought to myself, why did i do that? why didnt i just do it a different way? why should i even do it in the first place? many different questions were asked but i have only one answer for it. That this is life and shit happens and it is how we grow from this and mould to be a better person.

the wound is still bleeding. yes, the real wound on my shin and the wound in my heart. its time to get over it. the JCC badge wont make me a better officer. IT IS JUST A BADGE. importantly, it is the person donning the uniform and the rank that matters.

'For one to survive, one must die.' the Survivor's Creed.

I get to live to fight another day.

i can still feel the pinch in my heart sometimes when ppl talk about JCC. i mean, i missed almost half of the experience. i really wanted to go thru this JCC and get the badge. and then i realise, it doesnt matter. i got friends telling me i can manage thru JCC fine, telling me that i am more than capable. its even sadder when u know some guys are just going thru motion and think they are "Jungle Confident".

its good to know too, that i have many people by my side. and that u can see the true friends in the platoon. and i can see that JCC really made my friends more appreciative of what they have. and it also showed many bastards out there.

and u guys out there reading this. remember, dont be too disheartened if you lose in life. its how u pick up yourself after that.

ahh. life. it should be enjoyed. =D

of being away in the jungle

2009-04-07T21:28:00.000+08:00

always keep your mind sharp syafiq.

always.

21days again.

10days to test my own strength and mentality.

nothing's never easy in this world.

for i will get that Jungle Confidence Course(JCC) Badge after that 10days.

i will. and i will work hard for it.

take care while im gone, yet again. =)

of different walks of life

2009-03-30T00:43:00.002+08:00

i really havent had the time to blog recently, due to the limited hours of bookouts i have from post-taiwan to pre-brunei.

but i can always say a few words before i can begin a good post before i fly off to brunei on the 7th of april.

"it's one thing for the body to go weak but another for the mind."

"the mind can never give up and if it does, you might as well be dead knowing you didnt try your best"

of not knowing what to expect

2009-02-05T18:41:00.001+08:00

21 days.

thats how long im gonna be gone for.

Taiwan. its gonna be cold. but im excited. excited for this trip. it wont be easy but i know it'll be fun. ppl claim that overseas exercises are the best experience.

take care when im gone.
i'll be back on the 26th feb at 8am!! rawr!

but.. sigh.

excited yet i feel strange.

of keeping one motivated

2009-01-27T23:40:00.003+08:00

technically speaking, i have four months left. i still remember vividly before i enter to OCS. i was afraid. so so afraid. hell, who wouldnt be afraid of nine months of shit?

ive come to far to give up now. looking back, time has past by so fast yet it feels so slow right now. time after time, i've been down but...

after looking at my family photo, after reading the letter from field camp, after looking thru the happy faces in facebook, somehow, i smiled. every soldier has their own motivation and i just mentioned mine. we all have something to fight for, not just soldiers, even normal civilians like u. studies, sports, you name it. its a competition out there.

after watching band of brothers, im inspired. It is not gonna be easy to be an officer and now is the time to make mistakes and LEARN from them. it is never too late in OCS.

whats your motivation?

of fighting spirit

2009-01-17T18:33:00.005+08:00

"endure"
"just a lil' bit more, fiq, just endure"
"u failed because of a stupid mistake, now its time to prove everyone that this is possible"
"cmon, just endure, glory is waiting"
"are you weak?"
"then run, run like you never run before"

knees felt weak, out of breathe, i kept running. i could really feel my lungs bursting, my legs collapsing any moment. i could my head feeling heavy, my heart beating so fast, i felt time was slowly down on me. the finishing line was just 400m away. it was painful. it was killing me softly but i had to go on. i had to do it.

when you know the end is near, but somehow something wants you to give up because it too painful. you know that you are trying your best. it isnt about physically challenging but it mentally challenging. but your mind got tired trying to fight the never-ending battle. and then it comes to this.

the fighting the spirit in YOU. it was like the last resort that i had left. the fighting spirit in me. i failed my SOC by 3 seconds because of a stupid mistake and i dont wanna repeat it again. its painful. a painful 9mins, i told myself.

100m left. i could already feel my feet burning inside my boots. i opened my strides, i swung my arms. 2 guys were infront of me within 25metres reach. of all people, Master Sergeant Ronnie was at the end line yelling at us, "THE THREE OF YOU BETTER OVERTAKE ONE ANOTHER, AND YOU, U FAILED BY A FEW SECONDS, YOU BETTER SPRINT AND OVERTAKE!"

somehow, the spirit in me started to burn, like an ember fired up. i pushed harder, overtaking the 1st man and almost reaching the 2nd man, i ended the test. 8:55. 9:29 was the passing mark.

the pain was gone. i just felt so relieved. the feeling was like, on top of the world. i hate near misses and thats why i felt sooooo joyous. im thankful for my instructors who kept poking me saying "3secs fiq, 3 secs" over the past few days. i just shook my head. but now i can hold my head up high. knowing ive passed it. its no big feat actually, but im actually making it so. haha. =D

fighting spirit. a spirit we will never realise the true potential till the hard and painful times. its what that keeps us going.

of the new year and being yourself

2009-01-11T11:52:00.003+08:00

its a brand new year. and definitely theres a need for some resolutions.

1) commission SAFELY(i used to be so stubborn u see, injured/sick also want to chiong) as an Officer in the SAF. Commissioning Parade on the 13th June.
2) save money. must save save save save save already. always so broke last year.
3) learn as much as i can this year(too lazy sometimes last year)
4) not telling you! or you! :D

2008. just wow. so many things happened. Graduation, working for Asia Outdoors, enlisted to the Army on the 14th June and selected to go Officer Cadet School on the 22nd Sept. I must say, time pass really fast when you're looking back. The people i've met in AO and the army has broadened my perspective of every individuals and first impressions dont really last till u get to know them better.

AO instructors, so many of them work in different unique ways. the army, has exhausted me so much but i persevered. my recent injury, has demoralised me so much. if i had just one word to describe everything about 2008, the word is "mentality".

I have been down countless times during 2008 but something always kept me going. I remember i cried so hard during BMT when i received a letter from my family during our dreaded 6days field camp. i remember i got so tired while leading the students up gunung panti. i remember the exhausting times in army when theres alot of thought of just giving up. and so much more. 2008 made me realised that i have something in myself. and that is positive attitude that keeps me going in whatever the circumstances are.

I cared so much for the students during AO, I gave my all in the army(of course got slack times :D) and i put my heart and soul in everything i did. people would say pride, people would say crazy, people would say so many things but why should i care of what people say when i can be myself and yet enjoy the moments.

during my recent interview with my instructor in OCS, he asked me to rate myself in the platoon. 1 being the best, 5 being the worst. "2 sir" "no syafiq, you are 1, you are one of the best in the platoon and i want you to keep it up." those words shocked me and of course, i wanted to smile but i held back. haha. he questioned me again "what have u done and deserved this?" and i thought for a moment. i couldnt think of anything that could justify the question so i just said "i dont know?"

i went back to my bunk and gave alot of thought on that question. and then it struck me. If i dont know what ive done, then i was just BEING MYSELF. being yourself means that you have done something and you dont even realise it or even think about it for a moment before doing something. i had a mentality to come OCS and slack but i just couldnt :S haha!

but i must say, my recent knee injury has demoralised me alot. my fire has been down.im proud to say this tho, that my positive attitude has been trying its best to light the fire again. i have 5 more months left and i remember before coming to OCS, that i have NINE LONG MONTHS and now i left with 5. FIVE.

lets do this fiq. top priority: take care of that knee and STOP BEING STUBBORN!

RAWRS.

of searching for that certain person

2008-12-27T02:27:00.001+08:00

im thankful for the 'long' 4days break.

i just spent an hour plus to look for my primary school crush since 1am.

i call that pure determination.

or maybe pure boredom. haha. i'll blog more soon!

of pride and honour

2008-12-14T00:38:00.002+08:00

4days of field camp. a short number of days compared to whats more to come. but the amount of sleep in total was just 5-6hours and the exhausting part was the digging of shellscrapes and fire trenches(they are like graves but not as deep) and the worst part was the rain.

my shellscrape(knee level deep,2 meters long) was in a middle of a quite steep slope. so when it rained, i could see a drainage(made by small channels of depressed soil) all the way from the "summit" to my shellscrape. so my whole shellscrape became a bath tub in 5mins full of mud water. and during the process, my buddy and I just completed our fire trench(chest level deep, 4metres long) and it was JUST beside my shellscrape. the only thing that we could think of at the point of time was to save the bloody fire trench because we cannot imagine digging another for 8hours when we dug the whole midnight to morning and instead of just having a bath tub, we could have a swimming pool in addition. haha.

so we practically rushed to dig a "drainage system" out of my shellscrape to somewhere safe. and looking back right now, no matter how tired u are, no matter how weak your body has become but somehow, you just gotta do something to save your own ass.

so we went for the shelter right after digging the drainage. an hour later rain stopped, so we proceeded back up to our diggin site. fortunately our fire trench was not filled with any water! luckily la. so i just had to dig my shellscrape again for just 30mins. happy happy only la. then suddenly our WALL for our firetrench COLLAPSED!!!

to cut the story short, we gotta dig the 'mud' out of our trench and reinforce the wall so it wont collapse again. burn midnight oil again :/

but again looking back now. its all pride now. going thru this shit was terribly fun even tho there were alot of shouting and scoldings. and theres more shit to come in another 6months time and im really looking forward to it. i was on duty to help out with the seniors' commisioning parade and i was the lucky few who got to see the whole parade. and it inspired me to do more for my professional term coming up in the last week of december.

they really put up to best show to the audience but i felt it wasnt a show. it was really all pride and honour. imagine going thru 9 months of endless training, booking in/out in the same day, the friendships bonded, the lessons learnt and etc. when they threw their peak cap high in the sky, i could see the joy and tears from everyone.

6 more months. thats all i have now. my turn will come. but im not gonna just go thru the motion, i'll be my best for these 6 months.

To Lead, To Excel and To Overcome. RAWR!

of good ol' karma force

2008-11-23T07:17:00.003+08:00

031108 IPPT. missed the gold because i got a time for 9:49mins for 2.4km. needed 9:44mins.

211108 IPPT. missed the gold AGAIN, timing is 9:48mins.

utterly disappointed in the 2nd near miss to gold. i knew i could do it. but somehow my mind just totally switched off for the 2nd and 3rd round round the track. i was shitting myself after looking at my timing immediately after the run. really really disappointed. wanted to prove to my PC that i can get that gold since he told me to aim for silver for Service Term first. but looking at the bright side of life(humming the song lol) at least i proved him that i can do it by a near miss.

FOUR seconds. i used to make fun of those who get near misses too. this is why now i believe in karma.

sad. but hey! theres always next time! :D and i know i will get that gold!

anyways, regarding the previous post, like today, 12-14hours of bookout. Book out at 6am. Booking in at 6-8pm. rawrs. life's never easy in OCS.

of the precious weekends

2008-11-16T17:24:00.002+08:00

why oh why do weekends seem so short?

field camp was great. exhausting but great.

the sudden thought of my poly days came to mind during the field camp.

gosh. how i miss school. 5months in the army already and 19 to go. still unsure of where to go really.

all i know is that im looking forward to every weekend from now on and spend it wisely.

rawrs.

of the devil

2008-10-26T21:36:00.003+08:00

day by day, during trainings, i just wonder to myself.

what the hell am i doing here? why cant i just go home and enjoy my life simply? looking at those 8-5(normal working hours) NSF just really made me think that i could just give up and have 8-5 NS life for the rest of my service. its just some devil telling me to give up. something that whispers to the ear, something that makes you weak, something that makes you think of many ways to chaokeng and what more.

but importantly the mind has to be set the right way. its just the beginning actually. theres alot more to come to test one's will and i know im not the only one whos whining. time is actually flying fast but the fact that im not out there with my family and friends make me think that im losing them. i do miss civilian life.

i know i know. dont give up, endure, blahblahblahblahblahblah x 1000.

officer cadets are highly self-motivated ppl but these are just some soldier's whining believe it or not. soldiers that dont whine are not human. prolly they dont whine infront of you or they just dont want to show their feelings.

but i will always keep this in mind: "if one chooses to lead an easy life, one will never grow"

its good to be back home. section field camp next week.i really dont know what to expect but now its a good time to prepare myself mentally.

and friends out there reading this, lets hang out soon. =D but u plan la, u think i got time to plan meh? your head ah!

of a vision

2008-10-01T22:53:00.005+08:00

its gone and i cant find it now.

the fire. which was once so bright and strong, is now dying. im tired. or maybe i just dont have it in myself anymore. im not gonna give up easily yet the journey im going thru will be meaningless. i must find it back.

that is why my friends, that in life, you must have your own vision.

"without clear alignment in your life, ppl still do their work but lack the determination, trust and enthusiathism. in the long run, they either leave or produce only for the preservation of their job."

im sure all of us agree to this.

a vision statement is an expression of HOPE and if we have no hope, there will be no vision. it is something you create and continue to re-create throughout your life.

dont just study for the sake of studying. dont just work because of money. dont just do something to pass time. have a vision guys. a vision can give meaning to life in the most difficult of situations, which made me pull through my BMT and made my way to OCS. i know some of you are reading this and nodding your head but remember,

a vision with no action - a dream
an action with no vision - passing time
a vision and action - changes the world.

i must rekindle this fire. i must make it strong again. i have always depended on hope.
and hope is what i need now.

of the final hours

2008-09-21T23:22:00.002+08:00

And remember me tonight
When your asleep
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

tmr is the start.
start of all things that i have hoped for.
confidence. endurance. perseverance.
9months fiq. 9 months. its just like the start of this year till now.
well. yeah. it looked short.
i know this is the test.
test of the best.
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and i will give my best.

take care everyone. =)

RAWR.

of another chapter

2008-09-21T10:50:00.002+08:00

OCS. To Lead, To Excel and To Overcome.

i'm kinda nervous yet very excited for my next 9 months of training. definitely everyone is. i remember the only thing that made me go through the first 2 weeks confinement was the thought of going back home to see my loved ones and of course the prata at The Prata House. haha. i guess, honestly, i would need alot of motivation from alot of you guys out there and i wont just say for myself, but also motivate the rest of the OB ppl as well. OCS - Ben, Joe, JJ, YongJie, Kelvin and those SISPEC guys, Kaihoow and JunWei.

these are the times when words of encouragement are gold and keeps ppl going. just like during my field camp when i received a letter from my parents. we soldiers dont do this for ourselves but for you guys out there, protecting the lifestyle that we have right now. (like going thru war now like that haha)

anyways. 9months is not an easy feat. but the reasons that join OCS will still be strong.

-pride, making loved ones and friends proud
-honestly the money LOL
-to inspire ppl when i commission.

tough times dont last. tough men do. so lets do this FIQ!

TO LEAD, TO EXCEL AND TO OVERCOME.

RAWRS.

of marking the end of BMT

2008-09-17T13:47:00.011+08:00

POP LO!

haha. 11days block leave. left with 4 more days. sucks. so fast. sigh. will know my posting on the 19th. hopefully its want i want. if cannot, nvm, gotta stay positive. anyways.

JAGUAR COY CHAMPIONS LO!

haha. we won Recruit's Night performance and Games Day. Recruit's Night is a night for a few of the companies from the same school will get together and performances from selected companies will be performed on stage. obviously i was a part of the performance for Jaguar Coy and i told myself that if my company gets selected to perform for the Recruit's Night, i'll go all out. like. all out la.

so our performance was about a fashion show. its about modifying our uniforms to suit ourself during our trainings la. so we had 5 models. yes im one of them. my design was called the Gay Slack. what i did was i wore a swimming trunks and folded a tshirt that looks like a bra and boots. they say really look damn gay >.> so i went all out by making that swimming trunks to something like a gstring la, so u can actually see the sexaayy butt cheeks. >.> then my designer went to smack it real hard till got echo all over the MPH.

we thought we wouldnt win it because Yankee and Falcon did a great job too. but too bad Kelvin(performed for Yankee), Jaguar will always win you guys. LOL. (btw all of it was super impromptu). :D anyways. mixed feelings about POP. happy yet sad. im really gonna miss my buddies, going thru thick and thin with blood, sweat and tears together.

JAGUAR COY!

bed buddies

platoon best,
2nd best,
3rd best.

of pushing yourself to the limit

2008-08-24T08:02:00.002+08:00

finally got my silver for 4th ippt.

sbj: 225cm
2.4km: 10:16min

now the question is, can i push to gold in a week? all seems far fetched. i need 9cm more and need to run 32secs faster. i know ive been trying for gold. but its never easy. hell, nothing is ever easy in this world. you want something, you work hard for it. i had only 5 days to train between my 3rd ippt(which i got a pass) and my 4th ippt just because i miss silver by 4cm :(

so my scores for all the statios were 5 5 5 5 3. haha. really pushed hard to get a 5 point for 2.4km.

maybe a silver is just enough. maybe...

of the outside life

2008-08-09T12:31:00.002+08:00

of blood, sweat and tears

2008-08-03T02:03:00.003+08:00

rawr! field camp is finally over!

the worst shit is indeed the best shit because when u know you have accomplished the toughest shit, you'll remember those times when you grow older. like for example, my rugby days. if i didnt give my all, i wouldnt be proud of it at all. field camp made me realise that in life, theres always something for us to bring back as memories, and thats when u really work hard for it; blood, sweat and tears.

and yes. i cried like a baby. well most of us did. i've talked to some of my platoon and company mates and most of them said "sial ah, before army never cry for like so many years, go field camp then cry like baby". i wont tell why we cried or how was field camp, but u can always ask me when we meet up :p. lets just say, soldiers out there are not fighting for themselves but fighting for their loved ones.

i kinda lost a few kg along the way as well and also miss being the platoon and company IC. its fun to be an IC lar because i love to be upfront and tell ppl what to do! haha! but in all seriousness its a great responsibility. but if theres another opportunity again, i will gladly take it and do better. =D

i know most of you ppl reading this havent seen me for a long time. will update with pics soon enough.

sit test in 2 days. lets do this fiq!

"do it once. do it right."

of so near yet so far

2008-07-18T21:01:00.003+08:00

so i booked out early cuz i passed my IPPT. haha. but the disappointing thing is that i didnt get a silver. but nonetheless ive improved alot. :D:D

IPPT 19/06/08
Sit-up: 40 5points
Chin-up: 5 1points
SBJ: 197cm 0points
Shuttle Run: 9.2s 5points
2.4Km: 12:46min 1point
total:12

17/07/08 points

Sit-up: 40 5points
Chin-up: 10 4points
SBJ: 216cm 2points
Shuttle Run: 9.3s 5points
2.4Km: 10:58min 4points
total: 20

we were discussing amongst ourselves about who to pace with etc etc, by what timing etc etc. a Sir overheard us and said "dont care timing, just run and give your best shot because your trainings will give u a surprise." so of course, i thought, ahh what the heck, they say those who pass can book out early (previously they say only those who got silver and above, but decided to give chance), so i just aim for a pass lar, which is just 12:20. and a bloody surprise it was. haha. 10.58 oh!

but like what the Sir said, i tried my best and i have never like the idea of running fast for 2.4km. it was a huge improvement, well, for me at least, since my best ever timing was 12min in my entire life. haha. it could be the red bull, which gave a very bad side effect. i was suuupppeerr tireeeeed after the whole run.

i guess what i should do now is to improve on my sbj. for 9.44mins timing for 2.4km, well, i'll let the trainings do their job. 2 more IPPTs. lets get the gold syafiq!

of tough times

2008-07-13T18:17:00.003+08:00

tough times dont last.
tough men do.

ippt test this thursday.
i hope i can fly for my SBJ.
heh. silver. here i come.

of a desire to be among the best

2008-07-04T22:12:00.002+08:00

ever since ive stepped into the army, i had a goal in mind.

to train my best, to be my best and of course be myself and strive to go to Officer Cadet School (OCS). OCS is a place where a few fit leaders will undergo a vigorous 9 months training and be commissioned as a Officer in the army.

and i wanna be one of those few fit leaders.

ive been running like a mad dog everyday and pushing myself to the limits but im sure theres always something that can be done better.

Determination and endurance play a big part. I was reading FHM(yes, FHM haha) in the bunk and saw a quote among the advertisement.

"The person to beat is not infront of you but the one inside you"

yes. im aiming for gold before my BMT is over. to be honest i dont know whether it is possible. because i have to run my 2.4km in less that 9.44mins to achieve the gold standard. nonetheless, i will always try my best. :D

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IPPT_Gold_Award_Badge

im kinda worried about SBJ tho. a pathetic 197cm lar. but i believe, i can reach 234 by the end of bmt lar. :D

i believe my running can be improved because we run like mad dogs everyday and chinups, ive already improved from 5 to 8 in 2weeks. im aiming for 12! rawr!!

im talking as if i am enjoy the army. actually, i do. the friends ive made are a great bunch of ppl and im really glad i have them because they really motivate me.

but in all seriousness, i finally realised the importance of a goal in one's life because it really strives one to achieve it.

of entering a new phase in life

2008-06-14T00:21:00.014+08:00

14/06/08. to be honest i've been excitedly waiting for this moment. altho i've heard bits and pieces of what's to come, im just gonna experience it my way and enter with my cup half-full. but before i go into my new phase of life, i think there are people in my life that needs to be acknowledged because they have made a major/minor impact for the past few years and made me a better boy (not man yet because still havent go in army! but that means i have to change my blog title >.>) (and yes farand, you kinda inspired me to do this)

Rugby, Red Wings RFC/Bedok Kings RFC.
the trainings/matches were just pure awesomeness. they really push my limits and brought a whole new level of physical demands. determination wins all. thanks guys, for allowing me to lead, to follow, to play till the death and jokes we all share.

Coach Lee.
i think i've mentioned you before but i wanna say thanks again. you really made me know the meaning of mentality winning everything and also we shouldnt wait for things to happen, we should WORK HARD for it.

Slackers from BBSS.
Jon, Garrick, Amelia, Chyetee, Pohseng, Aikhou and Liangyu and im sorry if i left out any. i know we have gone our separate ways now but im sure we all can meet up one day and have supper at al-ameen and play pool over and over again! gosh i was sick of the same routine but i guess i kinda miss it because you guys just rawk. and jon and garrick, would the two of you stop fucking arguing each time u guys are out together? :P

Ngee Ann Outward Bounders.
OB OIE!! if i didnt join this cca, i wouldnt be where i am now. the adventure, the outings, the trainings and everything else are so memorable. thru thick and thin, OB all the way!!! great friends, esp Rachel, Aifang, KK, Grace, Joe, Mirza, Derrick, Ying Jia, Ben and Rebecca.

NPOB 13th Comm. Khai, Ming Hui, Yew Ming, Farand, Wenting, Christina and Kelvin.
what can i say. even tho i was MIA for long while and im still sorry for that, you guys have been really great. from strangers to a small grp of people who have done a very good job at making NPOB progress. i really really miss those times, esp the yelling of asshole during asshole daidee, the jokes and our very short meetings =D love you guys deep deep!

Asia Outdoor Pte Ltd aka AO
this is where i say that i've been thru everything and be stronger because what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. i've learnt alot from the other trainers and i mean by alooooot. from rah-rah, from how to really control your group, from how to make the grp like you, from how to motivate the grp, from how to be section IC and more. when i first step into AO, things that i thought i knew were just the icing on the cake and theres still so much to learn. many thanks guys, esp wenjie, andrew yong, jieyu, xinyi, farah, azie and pin wen, just to name a few who really helped me alot.

now for the individuals. DONT BE SHY WHEN U READ THIS OK! :D

Farand
a non blood-related bro who will always be there for me. yes yes, you've said it before but im saying this again. we barely knew each other back in our AGM and we really clicked together. you've done many great things for OB and for yourself and thus i respect you. should send me home again when u have the chance to again ah. haha! :D

Wei Quan
i know you dont like me calling you boss but i dont care, boss! haha. you're more than just a boss, you're also a great friend who will always talk crap and also say out many meaningful things and some really helped me in my work. i thank thee for the opportunities that u gave me because those opportunities really made me better man, err i mean boy =)

Loon Phern
this boy really really really is fucking lazy. but he got an A for his project. how? because he worked smart. i mean, really, he played games with me all the time and we will just slack and talk crap during project days but when it comes to work, he is really focused and thats what got him an A at the same time pangseh-ed me because i got a B+ only. but the point is, without him, that B+ could be an F because he really lived up to the name of "smoke grenade" whenever the reviewers ask questions. bro, all the best in your NS and love life man. haha! :D and THANKS FOR BEING MY PROJECT GRPMATE! :D

Eunice
i've known you for about a month? but i think u really deserved to be here because you really sort my thinking which was kinda... lost and confused. as fierce as u are, i know theres a soft side in you and just remember, if u can get angry, so can anyone :P so CHILL THE FUCKUP and laugh more ok? and thanks for being there when i need it.

Ying Jia
remember the crane i gave you? it represents loyalty and courage. 3 years down the road. it's long time yet it felt like as if i only knew u a days ago. i remember everything ever since we met, from our sports camp, DnD, OB trainings, photoshoot, msn convos, the day you left for china for holiday (and i think you never got me anything from there haha ) and many more. i dont know when i will ever see you again but just know that you should stay pretty and happy and always smile for the world to see. also, be confident la. once u start to fear, thats it. dont ever think about the fears in your life because it will make you weak. have confidence in yourself ok?

Once again, thank you guys/gals, for being a part of my life. Always a part, not apart. =)

no, this is not goodbye. in fact, this is just the beginning for me.
a phrase that i will always remember, "if you want to change people's life, you must change your life first"

ps: i dont care about spelling mistakes because its 2am already. omg army here i come
pps: if i missed out anybody, dont be too disheartened because im sure u have made an impact in other people's life.

of a song the describes it all

2008-06-05T19:47:00.001+08:00

u know, i have alot of things to say

but then i heard a song and fell in love with it. (current blog song)

because it best decribes my life for now.

i feel better now.

after running away and ....

but, theres still something missing.

sigh..

of behind the scenes

2008-06-01T19:24:00.003+08:00

of all the bravery, the courage, the professionalism, the determination, the sacrifices

not even one knows that he's a coward.

a coward that is fearful.
and when he fears, everything goes wrong.
but he wants a change. his patience has reached his limit.
down with one last breath, its now or never.

he knows the answer to it but he still has to do it.
like people say,
facing the music will change you
and jolly well he hopes it will.

2008-05-20T00:37:00.003+08:00

i'll upload some of my bday pics that was 'celebrated' during my camp and of course will elaborate more on the camp soon.

its been a long time since i've listen to malay songs. i've uploaded it and below are the lyrics. enjoy =)

Belaian Jiwa

Seindah tiada lagi kau kuingatkan
(I no longer think of you.)
Sayang kau hilang
(Love, you are gone, even if I wait)
Menanti biar sampai akhir hayatku di dunia ini
(till the end of my existence,)
Kau tahu betapa kusayang padamu
(Still you know how much I love you,)
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
(only an Angel can compare (to you).
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
(Yet Fate determines these things.)
Oh belaian jiwa
(Oh, my Soul's Caress)
Oh angin sampaikan laguku padanya yang sedih pilu
Terimalah laguku jadi teman hidupmu
(Let the wind send my song to her, this lonesome melody of mine)
Untuk selamanya
(Let this song be her companion forever)
Kau tahu betapa kusayang padamu
(Still you know how much i love you)
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
(Only an Angel can compare (to you)
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
(Yet Fate determines this things)
Oh belaian jiwa
(Oh, My soul caress.)

of inspiring

2008-05-09T01:45:00.002+08:00

ever since the boy who teared, hugged and thanked me, I realised I do want to inspire and change ppl's lives and give them a smile. but if there is one thing that I have learnt thru Train the Trainers,

"To inspire people and change their lives, you must change your life first."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

i lie down and ponder, "which part of it?".

of never glancing

2008-05-07T01:47:00.003+08:00

"Never glance" is killing me.

nuff(enough) said.

of determination

2008-05-03T23:57:00.006+08:00

why train?
because often the difference between good and great is simply the willpower it takes to get up and train. - www.niketraining.com.sg

it wasnt easy to lose weight. it takes ALOT of dedication, commitment, motivation and finally endurance. i could have lost more, but there were some temptations i couldnt resist which was bad in my part. nonetheless, keep fit4life. i overheard a conversation between these two athletes saying that with stamina, you can do anything. altho i do agree with a certain extent, i beg to differ because i believe that all u need is determination. its all about the mentality man.

and of course, have faith in yourself. =)

a picture says a thousand words for i am a man of few words. LOL

of a boy with no name, part 1

2008-05-01T05:34:00.002+08:00

he knew the answer for it was right infront of his eyes. his heart refused to believe the inevitable truth. why not he asked. not yet it replied. he could only wish that his eyes were plunged out but that could mean darkness in the world, which would only bring him any memories he had for her. he would remember everything.

he wakes up every morning, knowing he needs to fight a battle. a battle between his heart and mind. there is no winner, no superior, no high and mighty. why is life so god damn complicated he asked. and then he realised life is not complicated, it is he who makes it complicated.

of a different view

2008-04-17T11:32:00.002+08:00

Overworked, he stepped out of the compound. He turned back and quickly look forward again. How determined he was to not do it again, he just can't stop turning back. He sighed heavily and remembered a good friend telling him not to do it just to keep out of their way.

"Is this what you want?" he asked himself rhetorically. The question kept repeating over and over again in his head on his way home. A loyal friend he was but sometimes when the emotions rule the heart, it rules the head.

of moving on

2008-04-14T13:39:00.004+08:00

stop and stare
i think im moving but i go nowhere.

of mentality winning everything

2008-04-11T11:46:00.004+08:00

Warning: Long post. read or skip, your choice.

The following is a translation from Park Ji-Sung's autobiography.

"I was sitting alone in an empty locker room, left leg injured. I need to prove my worth when the opportunity is given. I look at my leg, powerless, and wonder why I had to get hurt in this moment. Then, Coach Hiddink appears out of nowhere with an interpretor and speaks to me in English. Not understanding, I stare at the interpretor.

"He says you have great mentality. With that kind of mental strength, you will become a great player."

"I was shocked. Before I could murmur the easy 'thank you' in English, he was gone. My heart was pounding. The coach always seemed to be so far away, but he came to me and told me I have great mentality. Somewhere inside, energy was rousing up."

"... Mentality. I have nothing else to boast, but one thing I could do is to never give up. I will endure all hardships, even if I would die from it. And I will keep this mentality."

"... In the entire World Cup, I played with those words ringing in my ears. With my mentality, I can become a great player. I kicked the ball and ran around the field clinging on to those words. For better or for worse, I am calm and quiet, so not many people take notice of me. But I was sure that Coach Hiddink would be looking at me and urging me to move on. This gave me courage."

"If it was not for Coach Hiddink, I would not be where I am now."

"With the words 'where I am now,' I am not referring to me becoming famous or being able to purchase a spacious condo for my parents. I am referring to the fact that I learned to love myself more."

"Within a minute, what Coach Hiddink said to me changed my life forever. I feel a bit shy thinking about what he would think after reading this, but he is my 'master' and I owe him everything and I won't be able to repay it in my lifetime."

I remember during my rugby days when Coach Lee will always say that I have the potential to be a national player when I grow up. That would always drive me to work hard and play hard during trainings and I would want to say thank you even though you wont even get to see this.

You inspired me to be a better person: Confidence, Leadership and Mentality. Being the captain of a team that just started to know rugby for just a few months was such a heavy load on my shoulder but i could handle the pressure because i was trained like a mad dog during my secondary school days.

why i'm posting about this now and not the previous years is because during the recce in Kota Tinggi, my mind was fighting with the body. It was a bloody tough trek in my opinion and the 2nd day of it was too much since we had not recover from the 1st day of trekking yet. and then i realised that my rugby trainings were not wasted. I kept going and going, with my groin in pain and out of breath, i still kept going and going.

The guide told me: "Climbing a mountain is never easy. If it's easy, then it's not a mountain."

The best part of climbing a mountain is the summit's view. When i was up there, everything that i felt, the pain, the shortness of breath, were all gone. I was ecstatic by the view.

"TAKE PHOTO OMG TAKE PHOTO" were the usual claims. haha.

of this beautiful lady with a beautiful voice

2008-04-07T01:42:00.003+08:00

i feel like im doing an advertorial but i dont care anyway heh.

marie digby. hawt babe man. haha.

very very nice talent for such a pretty face. her album is out soon too. listen to Miss Invisible and (oh i so love her in this vid) All Good Things(Come to an End) haha. my blog song at the moment!

heh. yes. whats wrong with posting about a hawt girl? RAWR.

why do all good things come to end...

of phenomenons

2008-03-29T14:33:00.003+08:00

something phenomenal happened during my first day of camp in Kota Rainforest Resort.

like joe said in the vid, its something like a rainbow but its not a rainbow. we could see colours of a rainbow but as we know, rainbows are not like that. colours were clustered and was not in order and yeah, i dont know what it was. lol

i still want my green/blue flash sunrise/sunset!

of what you need and want

2008-03-26T02:02:00.002+08:00

i had a good talk with mum, or rather, she was talking to me and i was listening. heh. i guess its really time to save up for the future. ive always wanted to do it but i guess i really should start now. better now than never =)

so here is the list of what i want.

-oakley specs
-rooney man utd jersey
-wallet
-digital watch
-many many clothes
-levis jeans (because my black ones are really really bangy now haha)
-ps3
-new computer
-alot more lar

it actually all boils down to what i NEED.
-save up for the future.

i guess i dont really need them yet. im happy with what i have. i know, i know, temptation is very strong because im working right now but i guess i can always throw temptation out of the window.

for eg. my laptop, its still fine, altho abit outdated but i still can use it :D
my wallet, its like shit already but hey i still can use it.
my digital watch, the crown is gonna come out anytime soon i think but i still can use it
my specs, some part corroded, but hey, it still nice and im still wearing it.

i guess i dont really NEED anything now.
maybe when i win a million bucks..

YA RIGHT FUCKING DREAM ON FIQ. heh.

anyway i'll be away till friday. till then, take care and have a good night. (2am, and i have to wake up at 520, yay for pre camp insomnia!)

2008-03-23T18:42:00.006+08:00

i wanted to type something but then i remember i posted it before.

pls refer to flashing by

but im glad

that im stronger, inside.

all i need now is to commit myself. which is what im always afraid of.

but why should i, i ask myself.
all i have to do is to make time, and if i dont have time, find time. =)

she's got me love stoned
man i swear she's bad and she knows
i think that she knows...

when you say nothing at all

2008-03-19T02:12:00.003+08:00

as much as i want to type on what happened during the 12th of March, i feel that i should just say that when you have approached death and stared it right in the face, you know you should treasure life as much as you can because death isnt funny.

it IS scary.

i know i did a personality question and said that death is adventurous. from now on im not gonna take things for granted. for whatever reason it is, for safety's sake, just fucking do it.

ive been telling people that answers are just right infront of their eyes. oddly enough, i dont heed my own advice but tonight was different. i found my answer after much wondering and searching and yes, two words.

move on, fiq. (dont include the fiq =P)

many great things happened on the 12th-14th of March but im just gonna leave it as that, for it WAS a blessing in disguise, for now at least. heh

9 crimes

2008-03-15T01:52:00.003+08:00

the music and the plot suited each other. ive watched this a million times and it still gives me the goosebumps when the guy dropped the rose at the end.

love is a crime,
whose beginning is a glance
and whose ending is eternity.

and yes im back. snap back to reality fiq. snap back...

its the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you
its the wrong time for somebody new.
its a small crime
and i've got no excuse.

8days.

2008-03-04T22:40:00.005+08:00

i'll be away for 8days. 5th-8th camp. 9th-12th camp. bon voyage. lol!

out of the many, i still choose you. =)

reflect

2008-03-03T10:50:00.002+08:00

what is there to reflect?

i dont know. on the way back home from the camp, i decided to walk super slow after alighting the bus and walked a longer route, with music shutting my ears from everything. then i thought of how i could be a better man and instructor to these kids. mind you, taking care of 22 students is a heavy load on my shoulders and making them happy just adds on. to be prefectly honest, i love my job. it struck my mind during the Pelepah Waterfalls trekking(heavy heavy rain), that what im doing is what i love. i started looking left and right.

to the right, Joe, holding a tree trunk, helping the kids, knowing a mistake might cost him his life because he has little space to work with.
to the left, Andrew, my section IC who had to decide the fate of 100kids, knowing one wrong decision could cost many lives.
myself, informing the kids where to step on, one wrong step could lead to a slip and could hit their heads on a rock.
"ok right foot here, left foot there, right foot here again, ok good, well done well done, jiayou, (taps their hand)" how i wish i had a tape recorder lol and a lil bit of motivation works =)

yes. its not as easy as it seems, but im not scaring you guys too. have faith in yourself.

______________________

you know. when i saw you on that day, in pain, i was really worried. no one knew how i felt, because i was the last man of the trek. but when people turn to look at me, they said "eh fiq why u suddenly emo". true fact i was not emo but i was really worried about you. also felt really damn fucking useless because there was nothing i could do to help. i asked the people around you whether u were ok. i was concerned and very worried. i told kelvin to take care of you because i couldnt leave my 'last man' position. still i felt really bad. when u cried, my heart just sank.

this is a late post. but somehow, keeping feelings to myself is not helping. it was great to see u smiling again the next day. =)

champions oie!

2008-03-02T11:32:00.003+08:00

so. yes. i r back. like. who. cares. :D LONG POST INCOMING.

23rd and 24th feb. my 2nd AO training camp because i was, like i said, bored shitless out of my skull and needed to memorise the trekking route for the 27th-29th camp. always a different experience on a different day. like u know the route, which is good, but can be bad as well because u really want to be cautious because u know there is something bad somewhere.

back to the swimming pool, i decided to be a "little" bit "adventurous". did many dives - frontflip, backflip, spiderman, karate and many more la. i wish i have photos/videos now man. then we all started to push each other into the pool. RAWR took 5 people to bring me down and if anyone did bring me down, i will always bring someone with me. :D

26th-29th feb. Deyi Secondary Adventure Camp. the kids were great except for a handful, but hey, u cant expect everyone to be cooperative. it was an eye opener for me because it was the first time working with other AO instructors, so i dont really know their style. great bunch of people. many things to learn from them. the camp was really, to be honest, messy in terms of programmes, because the school decided to confirm everything last minute, so the instructors really have to crack their heads and think of something ON THE SPOT. remember OB's t-shirt quote?

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -Martin Luther King Jr.

for clement and shujuan, you could prolly explain this quote on the very first day of training. link it with meaning of "Outward Bounders". just a suggestion =)

my point is, u can really see why they are instructors/leaders. im not saying i never do anything la. self praise is no praise =P

and i know, i know, my aunt serra wants to hear this
.
.
.
.
im blacker now. :(

i'll continue later. =D

2008-02-27T05:34:00.002+08:00

let war begin.

lol.

so basically my left buttcheck is in great pain right now. i have no idea why. but im gonna endure it for this camp. (27th-29th)

and its 535am.

and i love you all.

esp you.

SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

life

2008-02-23T00:18:00.002+08:00

take care and take it easy =)

it = life. or anything that bothers you. smile u bastards. cmon. lol :D

possibilities

2008-02-21T11:45:00.006+08:00

top-most pic: 21/10/05. top pic: 20/02/08 cam whore rawwwrr~ =P

19/02/08: went to NTU. spent like an hour in there just to submit apps which took only a min. lol. huge campus, but i dont know why i didnt rawr when i had the chance to in that open space. oh well. a great day spent with great people when im supposed to be studying. haha.

20/02/08: unofficially graduate. altho i am happy, but i know im gonna be bored shitless out of my skull because i have nothing to make me busy at the moment.

you know, you thought you've seen it all, but the possibilities in this world are endless.

whoever took the shot, i thank thee because its a great picture to look at. (because im there looking at the beautiful scenery and i think minghui & yingjia are in it too)

and....

the rare green sunset. it's time i look for one. anyone care to join me? =)

iris

2008-02-19T00:44:00.002+08:00

as usual. i keep my feelings to myself.

but the song now best describes it.

nuff said and have a good night.

when everything is meant to be broken, i just want you to know who i am.

professionalism

2008-02-16T23:33:00.003+08:00

i think everybody needs to have this in order to succeed at work.

professionalism.

i couldnt finish the last post as i had to leave for a movie with parents. but i was really damn disappointed. i was really really looking forward to work with the EDU guys again.

as my previous post stated, i dont think the word fuck suits the whole scenario. i know i have sacrificed a few things just to go for this camp but hey, shit happens. i really think i need to be professional about this (aka suck up and smile). lol. since im not involved in the 21-23feb camp, i have nothing to look forward to next week. one word sums it up.

sian.

anyways. just a few thoughts along the way to Marine Parade.

am i really a man of few words? thats the reason i blog i guess.
1) i know i dont talk alot with ppl around me.
2) i know i dont express myself well infront of ppl. i always keep feelings to myself.
3) i know i want to rawr because it makes me feel better.
4) i know blogging makes me feel sane.

i think i need to work on point 2. sigh.

kelvin recently asked me a personality question. give it a try.

if you're in an empty room all alone and you can wish for a box to accompany you, how big do you want the box to be?

.
.
.
.
.
the bigger it is, the bigger your ego.

if i go crazy then will u still call me superman?

2008-02-16T16:47:00.002+08:00

gosh. it feels like i have been screwed.

started the day with a happy note, but now, wow. fuck is the best word to describe it.

i dont wanna end the day feeling like this.

but sometimes, i guess, u just gotta suck it up and move on.

family

2008-02-13T23:00:00.010+08:00

what can i say. i love my family.

dad and mum.

i wanted dad to pose what he did earlier. mum asked him to guard her handbag while she goes food hunting and he immediately grabbed a knife and gave the serious face while looking left and right. lol it was hilarously funny but he refused to pose it, saying "being random is the best pose".

so mum tried to mimic it. :S

bro and I. always the same pose. haha.

the food was great. alot of choices la. jap to indo to chinese to western to italian to whatever country. i feel like im advertising for them already. lol. i just cherish the moments whenever we are out for dinner together. :D

i need to start studying. been out the whole week. oh well.

instead of spamming in my own tagboard, replies to tags here again.

jacq: what? what thing you?? :O:O:O:O:O:O:O

aifang: conference? why u love conferencing so much sia. is it because u like to talk alot? HAHA. >.>

midori: oh noes the naughty midori is here! /run

clem: i went to the mirror and tried doing it. and instead of rawring, i lmao-ed. :D and call me fiq. how rude.

yingjia: aww so sweet, rawr with me. but i bet ure gonna be shy, as usual!

look at the stars, look how they shine for you
and everything you do.

coldplay

2008-02-11T02:11:00.000+08:00

RAAAAAWWWWRRRRR.

i wanted to scream but that would wake people up. i shall find a good spot one day to scream my lungs out.

so i tried to find a pic of myself "rawring" but all i see is smiles. next time i know what to pose already. so i found this pic. cute seh

the movie Time Machine actually made me realised something that i will always remember from tonight onwards. you can't make change the past but you can always change the future.

running away from the past wont change the fact that i end up running in circles. but i must say this tho, it brought my confidence level down so low, its hard to pick myself up. i guess its never too late to start now. hell, its NEVER TOO LATE to start anything. i kinda miss the old syafiq. the one who knows he has nothing to lose, do or die attitude and make people smile. =)

thanks to the people who tagged. im muchhh better now =)

clem&derrick: even tho i knew u guys for a few months, it feels like we have been friends for years, thanks =)

garrick: lol. SMILE SMILE SMILE. :D

farand: its rare to find u tagging. but thanks bro! :P

mirza: yeah man the world is there for us to explore, if we dont dare to try, we will never know. thanks dude!

aifang: you and your damn crows. u think u crowgirl ah, haha! thanks girl!

deep inside

2008-02-08T23:25:00.000+08:00

wednesday, 6/2/08.

(4:10 PM) !ĐêŖЯĭcK!™ It is: you know the song that i had on my blog last week?
(4:10 PM) !ĐêŖЯĭcK!™ It is: breathless by shayne ward
(4:10 PM) - sarcazz. itch: that song
(4:10 PM) - sarcazz. itch: also send me
(4:10 PM) - sarcazz. itch: i emo already
(4:10 PM) - sarcazz. itch: fuck u all
(4:10 PM) - sarcazz. itch: lol
(4:11 PM) mirza...: wahhhh
(4:11 PM) mirza...: and yet you are the one who said you'll share
(4:11 PM) mirza...: hahaha
(4:11 PM) !ĐêŖЯĭcK!™ It is: relax man...

friday, 8/2/08.

to be honest, im still emo. i truly hate looking back. im still trying to get out of the hell hole. ironically, the genius of the hole: No matter how long u spend climbing out, you can still fall back down in an instant.

sigh.
fiqq.
wtf.
are.
you.
doing.

and watching The Time Machine now on tv isnt helping much. the girl he loves die, and he makes a time machine to bring her back, but she keeps dying. :(

nothing but experiences

2008-02-06T12:12:00.000+08:00

not gonna post details about the training camp because i want the others who may read this to have a clear mindset of what to come during 23rd/24th. if you're really interested, TOO BAD. >.> but got photos la. from ben's phone cam which almost drowned.

after reaching the base of the Pelepah Waterfalls after the River Tracing & Trekking, Ben, Yu Heng, Nino(the camp chief) and I decided to run back to the base campsite. it was already 7pm la so the 4 of us decided to run so that we could shower and makan first. the rest were smokers and didnt join us >.>

most of you know 7pm in Malaysia get really dark already, and the roads there had no lights at all. so we just kept running and running and running and running for quite some time, enduring the pain from blisters and stones in the shoes and not knowing exactly where the campsite will be. again, it was a new experience, and VERY FUN.

nothing much during the second day, low elements and Indiana Jones. man Indiana Jones alone leave me bruises, cuts, splinters and bicep and arm aches just because i wanted to hold on to my dear life lol.

i also realised something about this trip, that my passion for the outdoors is strong, just like my passion for sports. and when u do things that you are passionate about, it will be fun. no matter how tough it is, no matter the bruises and cuts u suffer, no matter the obstacles u face, no matter how much money you make, in the end you have fun.

alot of stars to see also. sadly no one else was interested and i couldnt part my knowledge. so i was star gazing alone :(
but i spotted the whole of Orion, Small Dipper with the north star. :D
gonna bring my notes of constellations next time because i keep forgetting.

for it is in my heart

2008-02-03T11:31:00.000+08:00

yesterday night was really a sad night, for i am 'graduating' from this great CCA.
but im happy too, for i know that NPOB will achieve greater heights in the hands of the 15th comm.

OB OI.
OB OI.
OB OI.

memories will always be in my heart, for NPOB is in my heart. =)

and i have a flu now because of the last training and im going for an instructor training camp for Asia Outdoor tomorrow.

good luck to me. lol

just one of the them

2008-02-02T01:09:00.000+08:00

its just one of the nights for me, when the body is so damn tired but the mind is still very much active.

and when the mind is very much active, i just wish someone would punch me straight to the face so i can stop thinking too much and just knockout and fall asleep.

do you know you cant suffocate yourself with a pillow? you will just fall unconscious.
do you know that yawning is very contagious? i just saw 5 consecutive yawns from 5 different ppl on the way home.
do you know when you think about sad things all the time, you will die faster?
do you know that breakfast is a very important meal of the day? your body tends to work better with breakfast.
do you know that breakfast is considered breakfast if you eat within 1.5hours AFTER you wake up?
do you notice that im always speechless sometimes? because there was nothing in my mind but you.

lol RANDOM right. this is why i said i hate it when the mind is so active at night. also, try this...

being happy doesn't make you smile, but smiling makes you happy. =)

so SMILE u emo bastards. =)

=)=)=)=)=)

phuture

2008-01-30T23:24:00.001+08:00

it dawned upon me during my conversation with dong yang and aifang.

my future.

i really need to start thinking about it and plan.

all i know is that im gonna try for NTU since its application for admission will begin on Friday with a really really slim chance. but hey, if i dont try, i will never know.

so what happens after NS and i dont get to NTU? to be honest, i dont know and this sucks.

on another note, my American pen-pal intro-ed Daft Punk's Live Remix Album 2007 and im addicted to the beat and rhythm, and i actually danced for awhile just now while clearing up my room. >.>
no, no videos of myself unfortunately :P later u all jealous of my dance moves ah. and yes i can dance u faggots who are doubting me. lol.

i thought looking at stars and finding constellations would be easy, but on the way home, i just went straight to the open field near my house and looked up. beautiful they were but i could only spot Orion's belt, shoulder and feet. wanted to find Taurus(my horoscope) but sigh. maybe singapore too bright ah.

signal fire

2008-01-29T01:09:00.000+08:00

the perfect words never cross my mind
cause there was nothing in there but you

random pic :D

fear

2008-01-24T00:18:00.000+08:00

fear of a sportsman. injury.

i dont know. Ben could be right. it could be the way i run, as i run tip-toe. ive been trained as a sprinter since young, i guess its time to learn how to run long distance using my heels instead.

but its just so sad to get injured. i remember one time i was playing an important rugby match and i sprained my ankle really badly(because of a stupid hole in the middle of the field). i tried to knock it off and played on for the remaining 20mins, because we were winning, and being the captain, i believe i was needed to carry on motivating the rest of the team. we did win, but at a cost of me limping for two weeks. and it was not bloody worth it. look at me now, the fear just keeps coming back.

but i need to run. i need to shed off the extra kilos. i want to be fit.

sighhh. on a brighter note.

11dec07:84.2kg
11jan08: 82.4kg
23jan08:80.6kg

my target is 75kg asap, just to keep things really easy for now. been watching my diet and im happy with it.

and i wanna thank you(if you're reading this) for accompanying me when i wanted to knock the sprain off. i really appreciate it =)