100th post.
20/04/09.
Life. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. you cant have everything you want even though you work so hard for it. This is life and I have learnt to accept it. I teared infront of everyone when i knew that i would be put out of course from Jungle Confidence Cource (JCC). Ex. Nomad pushed us so hard that falling out halfway thru JCC is just like stabbing me in the heart. yes, it was a stupid and careless mistake i must admit but accidents happen and lesson learnt.
Life. There are many ups and downs. Just exactly like Ex. Nomad. What goes up, must come down. Ultimately, the experience matter the most and if not, the destination.
Right now, two Out-of-Course(OOC) from OCS infront of me, playing squash happily and smiling. They must know how i feel right now but i would say their situation was much worse than mine. They got over it because there's more to life.
Life. There's really more to it than JCC. Even tho Ex.Nomad was the one and only exercise I've been through, it was definitely the most memorable experience in brunei. Even tho it was just 3 days, i have learnt alot, during and after. the jungle can never ever be underestimated.
Memories of that moment keep going thru my mind. I thought to myself, why did i do that? why didnt i just do it a different way? why should i even do it in the first place? many different questions were asked but i have only one answer for it. That this is life and shit happens and it is how we grow from this and mould to be a better person.
the wound is still bleeding. yes, the real wound on my shin and the wound in my heart. its time to get over it. the JCC badge wont make me a better officer. IT IS JUST A BADGE. importantly, it is the person donning the uniform and the rank that matters.
'For one to survive, one must die.' the Survivor's Creed.
I get to live to fight another day.
i can still feel the pinch in my heart sometimes when ppl talk about JCC. i mean, i missed almost half of the experience. i really wanted to go thru this JCC and get the badge. and then i realise, it doesnt matter. i got friends telling me i can manage thru JCC fine, telling me that i am more than capable. its even sadder when u know some guys are just going thru motion and think they are "Jungle Confident".
its good to know too, that i have many people by my side. and that u can see the true friends in the platoon. and i can see that JCC really made my friends more appreciative of what they have. and it also showed many bastards out there.
and u guys out there reading this. remember, dont be too disheartened if you lose in life. its how u pick up yourself after that.
ahh. life. it should be enjoyed. =D